This week I'm going to get into self esteem and confidence or “inner game,” to use a sports analogy. Confidence is different from self esteem in that the former is knowing your own abilities while the latter is how you view yourself. You need both to become attractive to women.
How well do you take care of yourself? Do you go the extra mile to be sure your clothes fit properly? Do you brush your teeth and groom yourself daily? When you have your hair cut do you get the cheapest haircut you can find or do you make an effort to find a good stylist that understands what haircut will work with the shape of your head and texture of your hair?
I'm not saying you have to spend $200.00 on a haircut and have all your clothes tailer made, unless that's what you want to do. However, going to a little higher priced stylist and having your shirts altered to fit better doesn't cost much and it will make a difference in how you look to others, as well as to yourself. When you can get shower, shave, get dressed, comb your hair, look in the mirror and say “Wow! I look damn good!” You will project a better vibe to the world. So, take good care of yourself because you deserve it.
Confidence comes from competence. You become competent through practice. You have to go out and talk to lots of women to become confident in your ability to interact, socialize and attract them. You will make mistakes. You will be rejected. You will be embarrassed and humiliated. These are all things you must work your way through to get to where you want to be.
If you decided you wanted to learn to play guitar you wouldn't expect to just pick one up and play like a rock star. You have to put in the time and practice to become good and developing your social skills is no different. You have to learn where the lines are and the only way to learn that is by crossing them many, many times.
You have to push beyond what you think is socially acceptable behavior. You may have to do things that your friends will put you down for doing. They will probably try to stop you from improving yourself. They like you being your old self. You have to ignore them and push ahead on your own.
Maybe you think you need something else to become attractive. This simply isn't true. You already have everything you need. In fact, many of the things you may think you need are really a disadvantage when it comes to meeting the kind of woman you really want to spend time with. Let's go over a few.
Money:
Many men think women want a man that can provide for her needs. Buy her a car, a house, nice clothes etc. Let me give you a news flash. YOU CANNOT BUY WOMEN. You may be able to rent them for a few hours. But, is that the type of woman you really want in your life? Moreover, displaying your wealth can communicate low self worth. It comes off as bragging more often than not. This is the 21st century. Women can make their own money. They don't need you for that.
Good Looks:
Good looks are nice to have. Like money, looks can open many doors. But, if you're a boring person, good looks won't help you attract women once you start talking to them. There are some women who are attracted to certain looks. Some girls like athletic guys while others like nerdy guys. This is the same as some men preferring blonds. If a woman had everything else you found attractive, would you kick her out of bed simply because she not a blond? I wouldn't!
Men Want Sex More Than Women.
This one is total bullshit. When a woman finds a man attractive she wants as much sex as he can handle! Women are simply more selective about who they want to sleep with. Also, most women won't admit to enjoying sex for fear of being labeled a slut. Having that tag carries social repercussions that can make life more difficult for her. Her reputation is important. But, she enjoys sex every bit as much as any man does. In fact, women very probably enjoy it more! Their orgasms are last longer and are deeper and wider than ours are. One might even say women's orgasms are more profound. Women LOVE their orgasms.
Attraction is an emotion. It can't be flipped on and off at will. A woman may meet a man that has everything she THINKS she wants. He has a good job, he comes from a good family, he lives in a good neighborhood. On “paper” he's very attractive. But, he just doesn't move her emotionally. So, she jumps on the back of a motorcycle with a guy in a leather jacket and no bank account. Why? Because he moved her emotionally.
To develop confidence you'll have to make mistakes. You'll have to risk looking foolish. There will be times when you feel like the kid in school that tripped in the lunchroom and spilled his tray of food all over the floor. You'll have to learn to laugh at yourself. The first 1000 women you talk to won't even count. But, it helps to understand female psychology. When you understand what moves her emotionally, she'll be begging to suck your cock. You can fuck her her up the ass, cum on her face and she'll even bring her girlfriends over to help her satisfy you!
So, what does move women emotionally? What do women value in a man? How can you get her interested in you? It is my opinion that above all else women value strength in a man. But, that doesn't mean physical strength. It means strength of character. It means he stands by his word and won't be easily swayed from his path. That is what women mean when they say they want a “real man.” Women want a man they can respect. A man to sit at the head of the table. A man that will lead, but is open to her thoughts and ideas. A man who is cool headed and calm under most any circumstances. A rock she can cling to when she is feeling uncertain. And she will test you, constantly, to be sure you have this quality. And the moment she discovers you slipping she will begin to lose her attraction for you. So, you must be congruent with who you clam to be at all times. In other words, never lie to her about anything.
She will test you by sort of poking at your armor. She'll throw little digs at you to see how you'll react. The way to pass her tests is to remain un-reactive. Don't let her push you off where you stand. Don't back peddle. But, don't argue with her either. This will display tolerance to social pressure. You don't care if she agrees with you or not.
Don't invest too much in the interaction. Don't offer to buy her a drink until after the two of you have starting to hit it off. Talk and vibe with her for 20 or 30 minutes before you offer to buy her a drink. You are waiting for her to earn the drink by connecting with you.
Be willing to walk away if she isn't into you. Don't chase her. Maybe this will come as a shock, but NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU. So what if one chick blows you off? There's another one just over there, maybe she'll be into you. Go and find out.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Wingmen
This week I'll be going into what makes a good wing as well as what a wing should be doing to help you out. It should go without saying you'll be doing the same for him.
Let's get started by laying out the way you approach and open a woman or group of women with a wing. You shouldn't go in together. If you do one of you will be talking to the girls while the other stands around with his thumb in his ass.
It's better if you go in alone, open the girls and then your wing can join in after a few minutes. When your wing comes in, turn to face him. This let's the girls know this man has value n your life. He's a close friend. Introduce him to the girls and allow him to take over for a few minutes. When you introduce him tell them something interesting about him, something unique. “Ladies, I'd like you to meet my very good friend Wing. This guy is the most amazing guitar player (or whatever) I've heard and he gets laid like a rock star!”
If your wingman has value and he's your friend, you must have some value as well. Then your wing can say “hey you guys, are you having a good night? So, how do you know Scoundrel here? You just met him? Well, let me tell you, this guy is nuts! He once rode his Harley through a crowded movie theater!” Now, your wing has just given you props. The two of you can go on about how cool the other one is without bragging. Your wing can tell the girls exactly why they should want to know you and you will do the same for him. Get it?
Another thing a good wing will do is follow your lead and agree with what you say. This will give you creditability even when you are saying something outrageous. That doesn't mean you should lie about something important like your job or how much money you have in the bank. It means you can joke around with the girls and fool them in a playful way.
For example you might say something like “you know, all the women in Brazil walk around nude all the time.” Then your wing might say “That's true! And none of them have any pubic hair.” After that you can take it up another notch and keep going back and forth until one of the girls calls you on it. It's fun!
Another way to open women with a wing is you open one group while your wing opens another. Then you can merge both groups. Say something like “you guys have to meet my friend Scoundrel. He is so cool and girls love him. You're going to love him.” He'll say something similar to his group. This way when you go in bringing girls and you find him with girls you both automatically have some value.
A good wing will also help you out by keep one girl occupied while you take the other one away to “show her something cool.” But, if your wing drops the ball the other girls will assume that sense he's dull, you must be dull too and they have to rescue their friend. They'll grab her and say, “let's go dance,” and you'll be SOL.
The rule is whoever opens the girls has first pick. However, there may be times when your first pick just isn't into you. If this happens let it go. It's likely that this girl just likes his type. Some girls like athletic guys and others like nerds. Remember, no one is able to score every time.
So, respect your wingman because it goes both ways.
Let's get started by laying out the way you approach and open a woman or group of women with a wing. You shouldn't go in together. If you do one of you will be talking to the girls while the other stands around with his thumb in his ass.
It's better if you go in alone, open the girls and then your wing can join in after a few minutes. When your wing comes in, turn to face him. This let's the girls know this man has value n your life. He's a close friend. Introduce him to the girls and allow him to take over for a few minutes. When you introduce him tell them something interesting about him, something unique. “Ladies, I'd like you to meet my very good friend Wing. This guy is the most amazing guitar player (or whatever) I've heard and he gets laid like a rock star!”
If your wingman has value and he's your friend, you must have some value as well. Then your wing can say “hey you guys, are you having a good night? So, how do you know Scoundrel here? You just met him? Well, let me tell you, this guy is nuts! He once rode his Harley through a crowded movie theater!” Now, your wing has just given you props. The two of you can go on about how cool the other one is without bragging. Your wing can tell the girls exactly why they should want to know you and you will do the same for him. Get it?
Another thing a good wing will do is follow your lead and agree with what you say. This will give you creditability even when you are saying something outrageous. That doesn't mean you should lie about something important like your job or how much money you have in the bank. It means you can joke around with the girls and fool them in a playful way.
For example you might say something like “you know, all the women in Brazil walk around nude all the time.” Then your wing might say “That's true! And none of them have any pubic hair.” After that you can take it up another notch and keep going back and forth until one of the girls calls you on it. It's fun!
Another way to open women with a wing is you open one group while your wing opens another. Then you can merge both groups. Say something like “you guys have to meet my friend Scoundrel. He is so cool and girls love him. You're going to love him.” He'll say something similar to his group. This way when you go in bringing girls and you find him with girls you both automatically have some value.
A good wing will also help you out by keep one girl occupied while you take the other one away to “show her something cool.” But, if your wing drops the ball the other girls will assume that sense he's dull, you must be dull too and they have to rescue their friend. They'll grab her and say, “let's go dance,” and you'll be SOL.
The rule is whoever opens the girls has first pick. However, there may be times when your first pick just isn't into you. If this happens let it go. It's likely that this girl just likes his type. Some girls like athletic guys and others like nerds. Remember, no one is able to score every time.
So, respect your wingman because it goes both ways.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Planning The Seduction
Okay, so you've taken her on a great date. You both had a fun and you've been slowly escalating your physical touch. You're both feeling the heat. It's on and you know it. But, you may still have a couple of hurdles to clear.
Before we get into what to do I want to discuss why a woman may resist sex even when she really wants it. There are two main reasons. The first is social pressure. She doesn't want you, or anyone else, thinking she's a slut. If she offers herself to soon others may look down on her. So, you have to stop thinking if she has sex with you too soon she's a slut. You must never judge her in this way. She needs to know you won't think any less of her.
The other reasons have to do with her evolutionary programming. Until the last 100 years or so, many women died during child birth. It isn't much of an issue today. But, she is programed to have a certain amount of fear and reluctance to a new sexual partner. This is because women invest much more in the continuation of our species than men do. A man only gives up a little sperm. But, a woman gives up nine months of her life to grow a child inside her and may even risk death. She may not know why she's feeling this need to resist. But, she feels like she's just put all her money on red and the wheel is spinning.
She needs to know you'll be around to help her if she gets pregnant. Truthfully, she may not even want you around. And she likely doesn't want to get pregnant. She just wants it to be up to her. 10,000 years ago a pregnant woman with no man didn't stand much of a chance of survival. Things are different today, but we were programmed to live back then. We're old models living in a new world and evolution hasn't caught up.
How long a woman waits before having sex is a huge concern. If she gives in too soon will you still cherish her? If she waits to long will you leave her for a woman that's more willing? Personally, if I sleep with a woman once, I'm planing on doing it many more times. But, if we've spent more than about 20 hours together and she still doesn't want to have sex with me, I'm cutting my losses and finding another woman.
As men it's our job to ease her through any reluctance she may be feeling. She has to want it as much as you do or you could end up in a date rape law suit. Remember no means no. Even when the both of you are completely nude, in bed and you're about to enter her. If she says no, YOU MUST STOP.
Let's get real here. Women aren't stupid. They know sex could happen when they go up to your place. Moreover, if she comes over she probably wants sex. But, that doesn't mean it's a given. She still wants to have the option of stopping. If you decided it was off, it would be off. You have to allow her the same power. However, if you follow the simple rules I'm going to give you she won't want to stop.
So, the first thing is to move slowly. I covered this a little last time, but it bears repeating. If at any time you feel her start to tense up or she feels the least bit uncomfortable STOP. Rewind and go back. She's having fun, but you cannot rush her. You're the driver, but you have to move at her pace. If you can stop just slightly BEFORE she says stop it will drive her wild with desire. You'll be teasing her and she'll love it and want you all the more.
Start by having her help you set the mood. Toss her some matches and say “Light the candles while I wash up.” Then go in the bathroom and wash your cock.
When you come out ask her if she wants to wash up while you turn on some music or start the DVD player or whatever you have planned. This will help her to get into the mood and she'll appreciate it.
There are three common times when she'll try to stop you. The first is when you start to remove her shirt and/or bra. She may say something like, “maybe we should stop.” If this happens agree with her. Tell her yes, you should stop. But, keep going. She didn't say stop. She said “maybe.”
If she still resists, stop. Stop kissing her. Stop cuddling with her. Stop touching her completely. If she asks you what's wrong don't get angry and do not whine. I'm sure you've tried both of these tactics already and know they don't work. Instead, tell her you understand. But, do not touch her for about five minutes. She may ask if you're angry. Tell her she said no and you respect that. In fact, hearing no turns you off. You're not mad, but making out leads to sex and if she doesn't want to have sex there are lots of other things the two of you can do. Then get up and check your email or something. Do this flatly, without emotion. Be indifferent.
She may try to get things moving again by kissing the back of your neck or caressing you. If she does tell her to take off her top. If she refuses just wait five minutes and you start again. Kiss her for a minute or so and tell her to take her top off. If she does you can get back to making out.
You want her to be bored and feel a little uncomfortable NOT making out with you. What's going on in her head is things were feeling good and now it's stopped. She doesn't want it to stop, so she has to follow your lead by taking of her top.
This is important because you are not forcing yourself on her. She is part of the seduction. It's mutual.
She may stop you again when you go for her pants. Again, tell her you understand and stop touching her. Turn on the TV or something. Do the least sexy thing you can think you can think of. Now she's the one that's frustrated. Give her about ten minutes this time and start again. Tell her to take off her pants.
Every time she says no or stop, you will stop and do what I said above. EVERY TIME.
Now, you're both nude. She's wet and you're hard. Do not enter her yet. Tease her first. Rub the head of your cock all around her pussy. Keep kissing her and playing with her breasts and rubbing her with your cock. Soon she'll say she wants you inside her. But, don't do it yet. Just continue teasing her. She may say “please” and start to beg. But, wait until she's asked for your prick three times. Then give her just a little bit of it and take it away. She'll beg for more and you can give her a little more. Keep this game going for fifteen or twenty minutes until she is about to burst.
Now, you can fuck her like there's no tomorrow! Enjoy yourself.
Before we get into what to do I want to discuss why a woman may resist sex even when she really wants it. There are two main reasons. The first is social pressure. She doesn't want you, or anyone else, thinking she's a slut. If she offers herself to soon others may look down on her. So, you have to stop thinking if she has sex with you too soon she's a slut. You must never judge her in this way. She needs to know you won't think any less of her.
The other reasons have to do with her evolutionary programming. Until the last 100 years or so, many women died during child birth. It isn't much of an issue today. But, she is programed to have a certain amount of fear and reluctance to a new sexual partner. This is because women invest much more in the continuation of our species than men do. A man only gives up a little sperm. But, a woman gives up nine months of her life to grow a child inside her and may even risk death. She may not know why she's feeling this need to resist. But, she feels like she's just put all her money on red and the wheel is spinning.
She needs to know you'll be around to help her if she gets pregnant. Truthfully, she may not even want you around. And she likely doesn't want to get pregnant. She just wants it to be up to her. 10,000 years ago a pregnant woman with no man didn't stand much of a chance of survival. Things are different today, but we were programmed to live back then. We're old models living in a new world and evolution hasn't caught up.
How long a woman waits before having sex is a huge concern. If she gives in too soon will you still cherish her? If she waits to long will you leave her for a woman that's more willing? Personally, if I sleep with a woman once, I'm planing on doing it many more times. But, if we've spent more than about 20 hours together and she still doesn't want to have sex with me, I'm cutting my losses and finding another woman.
As men it's our job to ease her through any reluctance she may be feeling. She has to want it as much as you do or you could end up in a date rape law suit. Remember no means no. Even when the both of you are completely nude, in bed and you're about to enter her. If she says no, YOU MUST STOP.
Let's get real here. Women aren't stupid. They know sex could happen when they go up to your place. Moreover, if she comes over she probably wants sex. But, that doesn't mean it's a given. She still wants to have the option of stopping. If you decided it was off, it would be off. You have to allow her the same power. However, if you follow the simple rules I'm going to give you she won't want to stop.
So, the first thing is to move slowly. I covered this a little last time, but it bears repeating. If at any time you feel her start to tense up or she feels the least bit uncomfortable STOP. Rewind and go back. She's having fun, but you cannot rush her. You're the driver, but you have to move at her pace. If you can stop just slightly BEFORE she says stop it will drive her wild with desire. You'll be teasing her and she'll love it and want you all the more.
Start by having her help you set the mood. Toss her some matches and say “Light the candles while I wash up.” Then go in the bathroom and wash your cock.
When you come out ask her if she wants to wash up while you turn on some music or start the DVD player or whatever you have planned. This will help her to get into the mood and she'll appreciate it.
There are three common times when she'll try to stop you. The first is when you start to remove her shirt and/or bra. She may say something like, “maybe we should stop.” If this happens agree with her. Tell her yes, you should stop. But, keep going. She didn't say stop. She said “maybe.”
If she still resists, stop. Stop kissing her. Stop cuddling with her. Stop touching her completely. If she asks you what's wrong don't get angry and do not whine. I'm sure you've tried both of these tactics already and know they don't work. Instead, tell her you understand. But, do not touch her for about five minutes. She may ask if you're angry. Tell her she said no and you respect that. In fact, hearing no turns you off. You're not mad, but making out leads to sex and if she doesn't want to have sex there are lots of other things the two of you can do. Then get up and check your email or something. Do this flatly, without emotion. Be indifferent.
She may try to get things moving again by kissing the back of your neck or caressing you. If she does tell her to take off her top. If she refuses just wait five minutes and you start again. Kiss her for a minute or so and tell her to take her top off. If she does you can get back to making out.
You want her to be bored and feel a little uncomfortable NOT making out with you. What's going on in her head is things were feeling good and now it's stopped. She doesn't want it to stop, so she has to follow your lead by taking of her top.
This is important because you are not forcing yourself on her. She is part of the seduction. It's mutual.
She may stop you again when you go for her pants. Again, tell her you understand and stop touching her. Turn on the TV or something. Do the least sexy thing you can think you can think of. Now she's the one that's frustrated. Give her about ten minutes this time and start again. Tell her to take off her pants.
Every time she says no or stop, you will stop and do what I said above. EVERY TIME.
Now, you're both nude. She's wet and you're hard. Do not enter her yet. Tease her first. Rub the head of your cock all around her pussy. Keep kissing her and playing with her breasts and rubbing her with your cock. Soon she'll say she wants you inside her. But, don't do it yet. Just continue teasing her. She may say “please” and start to beg. But, wait until she's asked for your prick three times. Then give her just a little bit of it and take it away. She'll beg for more and you can give her a little more. Keep this game going for fifteen or twenty minutes until she is about to burst.
Now, you can fuck her like there's no tomorrow! Enjoy yourself.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Date
Alright, here it is. My guide for planning a great date that won't cost you a bank and everyone will have a great time.
Okay, so you have sorted through all those phone numbers and eliminated the flakes. You have found at least one woman that trusts you enough to meet you someplace alone. Good for you!
The first thing you need to do is RELAX. She made a plan to see you. That means she likes you. You don't have to worry about that. It's your job now to form a real emotional connection with her. You cannot fake this. It has to be real. I can't tell you how to do it, but I can tell you how to make it easy to do.
The main thing she needs is time. She wants to talk and get to know more about who you are. So, DO NOT TAKE HER TO A PLACE YOU CANNOT TALK WITH HER. Like a movie or a loud bar.
It's going to take her about 15 or so hours with you to feel comfortable enough to begin a sexual relationship with you. You could spread this out over two of three dates or, if you plan well, you could get it all out of the way on a single date. This is the way I do it and it's what I'll be talking about here.
Face it, we're men. We want to get to the sex as soon as we can. So, I like to plan a date with the end in mind. I want the date to end with her having breakfast in my bed the next morning.
Believe it or not, women want this too. She wants to have sex. She just doesn't want to feel slutty about it. It's our job as men to plan a date that eases her into sex in a way that feels natural. Like it's just the next step to having a great day.
The trouble most guys have is they either try to rush her or they leave everything up to her. Rushing her will only make her think she's on a date with an octopus. Waiting for her to make the move sends the single that you don't have the ability to lead the interaction and want to be a follower. Women are attracted to leaders. So, lead her gently all the way to your bedroom.
As I said, start with the end in mind. That means you should ask her to meet you at your place or at least somewhere close to your place. I like to start a date at some kind of little local place with a light atmosphere. A coffee house is good. It's even better if you have a few friends there that will say hello, but won't be a bother. This sends the signal that you are a cool guy with cool friends. It helps build trust because serial killers don't have friends.
So, chat for a while at the coffee house. Just relax and vibe with her. Have fun! But, keep in mind that you need to break the touch barrier soon. This let's her know that you are interested in her as more than a friend. Just give her a little tap on her hand or knee as you make some point in your conversation. The foreplay has now begun.
Throughout the date you should be slowly escalating the physical contact. But, if she seems the least bit uncomfortable STOP! Rewind. Take it back a step or two and start the climb again. This will drive her crazy with desire if you do it right. But, take it very slowly.
You should plan the date to have three or four venue changes. This keeps things fresh , interesting and exciting. So, if she came to your place to meet you invite her in, but do not give her the tour. Allow her to see it and move things along quickly to the next venue.
After coffee you could take her to an art gallery or a museum. This is good because there are lots of things to see and talk about. Ask her what she liked the most and listen to her reply. Tell her your opinion of what you saw as well. You don't have to agree with her about every detail. If she liked the elephant and you liked the lion that's fine. Just be laid back and cool.
The next venue I like to be doing something. This could be shooting pool, bowling, plating darts or whatever. So long as it's interactive. It's alright to have a beer, but don't over do it. She'll be watching to see if you may have a drinking problem. Also you don't want her thinking you are trying to get her drunk.
After that it's time for dinner. You don't have to take her to a fancy French place with high prices. Just don't take her to McDonald's either. I have found that quaint little local places are the most charming. If they offer some kind of unique food or drink make sure you tell her about it. In fact, you should have already told her about it during the pool game.
You want to avoid asking interview type questions like “where are you from?” and “do you live around here?” Instead ask her about her future plans. Ask her about her career. Unless she's a waitress or something ask her what she finds most “fulfilling” about her work. This is a deeper question than “what do you like about your job?” It makes her think on a deeper level. And it makes her think “wow, this guy is really interested in my life.” And you should be interested in getting to know her on a deeper level.
During dinner you can bring up some cool thing you have back at your place. This is sort of planting a seed. It'll give her a reason to come back to your place later. Women need this. She knows the two of you are going back there for sex. But, she needs to feel like she's going over there to see this cool thing and sex “just happened.” I know, it's silly. But, that's how women are. So, give her what she needs.
If you notice her yawning or getting tired, order coffee. Or even better espresso. You don't want her feeling worn out.
After dinner I like to take a woman to a nightclub (not a bar) to see a band. Not a heavy metal or punk band. But a Jazz or Blues band. Again, feel free to have a drink, but don't over do it. If she wants to dance don't freak out. Just get up and do it. All you have to do is step side to side in time with the music. It's like tapping your foot to the beat. Don't worry about looking foolish. She likely can't dance any better than you anyway. Just have fun looking silly together.
If you have been slowing working your way up the touch ladder you may be able to find a good moment for a kiss. It should be in a secluded place in or outside the venue. Don't force it. It should feel like the next natural step. Relaxed and easy.
By this time it should be around midnight. Take her back to her car, but invite her back to your place to see that cool thing-a-ma-jig you have there. But, tell her you have to get up early and she can't stay too long. This will calm any fears she may have about coming inside. Again, she's not stupid. She knows sex may happen if she goes back to your place. Once she's there it's your job to make her feel comfortable with whatever happens. It's your job to make things “just happen.”
Okay, so you have sorted through all those phone numbers and eliminated the flakes. You have found at least one woman that trusts you enough to meet you someplace alone. Good for you!
The first thing you need to do is RELAX. She made a plan to see you. That means she likes you. You don't have to worry about that. It's your job now to form a real emotional connection with her. You cannot fake this. It has to be real. I can't tell you how to do it, but I can tell you how to make it easy to do.
The main thing she needs is time. She wants to talk and get to know more about who you are. So, DO NOT TAKE HER TO A PLACE YOU CANNOT TALK WITH HER. Like a movie or a loud bar.
It's going to take her about 15 or so hours with you to feel comfortable enough to begin a sexual relationship with you. You could spread this out over two of three dates or, if you plan well, you could get it all out of the way on a single date. This is the way I do it and it's what I'll be talking about here.
Face it, we're men. We want to get to the sex as soon as we can. So, I like to plan a date with the end in mind. I want the date to end with her having breakfast in my bed the next morning.
Believe it or not, women want this too. She wants to have sex. She just doesn't want to feel slutty about it. It's our job as men to plan a date that eases her into sex in a way that feels natural. Like it's just the next step to having a great day.
The trouble most guys have is they either try to rush her or they leave everything up to her. Rushing her will only make her think she's on a date with an octopus. Waiting for her to make the move sends the single that you don't have the ability to lead the interaction and want to be a follower. Women are attracted to leaders. So, lead her gently all the way to your bedroom.
As I said, start with the end in mind. That means you should ask her to meet you at your place or at least somewhere close to your place. I like to start a date at some kind of little local place with a light atmosphere. A coffee house is good. It's even better if you have a few friends there that will say hello, but won't be a bother. This sends the signal that you are a cool guy with cool friends. It helps build trust because serial killers don't have friends.
So, chat for a while at the coffee house. Just relax and vibe with her. Have fun! But, keep in mind that you need to break the touch barrier soon. This let's her know that you are interested in her as more than a friend. Just give her a little tap on her hand or knee as you make some point in your conversation. The foreplay has now begun.
Throughout the date you should be slowly escalating the physical contact. But, if she seems the least bit uncomfortable STOP! Rewind. Take it back a step or two and start the climb again. This will drive her crazy with desire if you do it right. But, take it very slowly.
You should plan the date to have three or four venue changes. This keeps things fresh , interesting and exciting. So, if she came to your place to meet you invite her in, but do not give her the tour. Allow her to see it and move things along quickly to the next venue.
After coffee you could take her to an art gallery or a museum. This is good because there are lots of things to see and talk about. Ask her what she liked the most and listen to her reply. Tell her your opinion of what you saw as well. You don't have to agree with her about every detail. If she liked the elephant and you liked the lion that's fine. Just be laid back and cool.
The next venue I like to be doing something. This could be shooting pool, bowling, plating darts or whatever. So long as it's interactive. It's alright to have a beer, but don't over do it. She'll be watching to see if you may have a drinking problem. Also you don't want her thinking you are trying to get her drunk.
After that it's time for dinner. You don't have to take her to a fancy French place with high prices. Just don't take her to McDonald's either. I have found that quaint little local places are the most charming. If they offer some kind of unique food or drink make sure you tell her about it. In fact, you should have already told her about it during the pool game.
You want to avoid asking interview type questions like “where are you from?” and “do you live around here?” Instead ask her about her future plans. Ask her about her career. Unless she's a waitress or something ask her what she finds most “fulfilling” about her work. This is a deeper question than “what do you like about your job?” It makes her think on a deeper level. And it makes her think “wow, this guy is really interested in my life.” And you should be interested in getting to know her on a deeper level.
During dinner you can bring up some cool thing you have back at your place. This is sort of planting a seed. It'll give her a reason to come back to your place later. Women need this. She knows the two of you are going back there for sex. But, she needs to feel like she's going over there to see this cool thing and sex “just happened.” I know, it's silly. But, that's how women are. So, give her what she needs.
If you notice her yawning or getting tired, order coffee. Or even better espresso. You don't want her feeling worn out.
After dinner I like to take a woman to a nightclub (not a bar) to see a band. Not a heavy metal or punk band. But a Jazz or Blues band. Again, feel free to have a drink, but don't over do it. If she wants to dance don't freak out. Just get up and do it. All you have to do is step side to side in time with the music. It's like tapping your foot to the beat. Don't worry about looking foolish. She likely can't dance any better than you anyway. Just have fun looking silly together.
If you have been slowing working your way up the touch ladder you may be able to find a good moment for a kiss. It should be in a secluded place in or outside the venue. Don't force it. It should feel like the next natural step. Relaxed and easy.
By this time it should be around midnight. Take her back to her car, but invite her back to your place to see that cool thing-a-ma-jig you have there. But, tell her you have to get up early and she can't stay too long. This will calm any fears she may have about coming inside. Again, she's not stupid. She knows sex may happen if she goes back to your place. Once she's there it's your job to make her feel comfortable with whatever happens. It's your job to make things “just happen.”
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The Guide.
Here is my guide for men on approaching, flirting with and attracting women in the real world. I have no doubt many will say this is completely wrong. However, I have used these techniques most of my life with a good deal of success.
I can see no reason why women couldn't use many of these same ideas to attract and interact with men. In fact, I learned most of this from interacting with women. They would have to make a few subtle changes I'm sure. But, it can work equally well for women.
I am not trying to suggest that all women are the same. On the contrary, each woman is unique. None of this will change her mind if she doesn't like you. This is simply a way to avoid many of the pitfalls and keep things moving forward toward beginning a sexual relationship. I have found as I'm sure many men have, that becoming friends with a woman first just doesn't work. If a man hasn't made his move within about 20 hours (three dates) she assumes he isn't interested or is too much of a sissy to go after what they both really want.
Many of the things I'm going to say may seem counter intuitive. They may not make sense to you. It may even seem that I am saying exactly the opposite of what you think makes logical sense. But, we aren't talking about logic in the usual sense. If you dig deeply enough into this it does make perfect sense on an evolutionary level. Every emotion we have is there to either keep us alive or to help us find a suitable mate. You may not understand why this would make you more interesting to women. If you have questions I'll try to answer them, but rest assured this can produce results.
What follows is how to make a good first impression on a woman you are interested in and nothing more. I'm not trying to change who you are. You absolutely must be yourself. But, you have to be your best, true self. You have to get out of your own way and stop acting like the guy you think she wants. You have to stop buying her gifts before you know who she really is. When you do that it comes across to women as if you are trying to buy them and they do not enjoy being treated like hookers. The truth is some women will like you and some won't. You cannot expect to get along with everyone. So, if she doesn't like you don't let it get to you. Be willing to walk away if things aren't clicking. Do not try to change her mind if she isn't into you. There is nothing you can say or do to make a woman like you. All you can do is make her dislike you. If you keep after her when she's indicated she isn't interested you'll only become that creepy stalker guy or that guy she calls when her new boyfriend needs help moving his furniture into her place.
Lastly, before I begin, I'd like to say that when you ask a woman for advice on this subject she answers by telling you what she wants in a relationship, not what attracts her in the first place. She really does want a man that will love and cherish her and give her flowers on her birthday. But, she wants to be loved for who she is, not for how she looks. Before you can love and cherish her you have to get to know her. Don't fawn all over her and follow her around like a puppy, picking up anything she drops! She isn't looking for a slave. She is looking for a man.
If you feel that learning this can help you lead a happier, more fulfilling life then give it a try. If not disregard it. You have nothing to lose.
Psychologists tell us 70% of what we communicate is visual. Appearance, posture and body language etc. 20% is tone or how you say something and only 10% are the words we actually say. That means 90% of what you communicate ain't coming out of your mouth. Attitude is very important. It's 90% of the of the game. With the proper attitude you can say anything and it will do the job because women are not attracted to what you say. They are attracted to who you are and that's what we are trying to present to her.
Women are attracted to high status men. That doesn't mean you have to be rich or famous. It simply means that you should to be comfortable within your environment. This is confidence. You feel safe and secure. You know you can handle whatever life throws at you whether it's because you have enough money to buy your way out, can fight your way out or can talk your way out or trouble. That's all confidence really is.
Women are also attracted to men that like themselves. This is self esteem. You take good care of yourself because you feel you are worth the effort. Men with high self esteem make sure they have on clean, well fitting clothes and keep themselves well groomed. I don't care how short or heavy you are, you will look better with a good haircut and clean, trimmed fingernails.
Stop worrying about the things you cannot change. They are more important to you than to other people. Your nose isn't too big. Your not too short. Instead work on the things you can do something about and forget the rest. If a woman doesn't like you because you are too whatever it has nothing to do with you. It's her problem to deal with. Find a woman that isn't so hung up on petty BS.
Learn about personal style and find out what works for your body type. Just because something works and looks good on one man doesn't mean it's going to work for every man. It's easier than you may think. And once you learn what you need to look good shopping becomes easier.
Okay, now let's get into the real stuff. Before you say hello to a woman you must eliminate any desire you may have for an outcome. You are not trying to get her phone number. You are not trying to get her to come home with you. You are simply saying hello and starting a conversation. Nothing more. Women can smell an agenda like shit on a shoe. You want her to get the feeling that you may leave at any second. This way she won't feel pressured or uncomfortable talking to you.
Do not ask if you can speak to her. Simply start taking to her and any friends she may be with. Also do not wait to approach. The longer you wait the more nervous you'll become. When you see her, approach her and start talking immediately.
A good pick up is designed to negotiate around any road blocks before they come up. For example, when you first approach her she'll likely be thinking, “How long am I going to have to put up with this guy?” So, you tell her you can only stay for a few seconds because you have to meet a friend.
A good way to start a conversation is to say something like, “Hey, you guys look pretty bright. I need a female opinion on something...” If you ask her if you can ask a question she may say no. Of course she could still say no, but she is less likely to if you just don't ask. Asking shows weakness. So, just go in and ask her.
Sometimes she'll test you right off the bat. Many of these tests are not done on a conscious level. She doesn't think “I'm going to test him.” But, she wants to find out who you are. She can't ask because you could lie. So, she must test you.
An example of a test might be something like: “I'll answer your question if you'll...” She wants to know if she can push you around. Will you stumble all over yourself to please her like so many other men have? She's been approached so often she's turned it into a game. The good news is if she's testing you, she's interested.
The way to pass her test is to tell her you'll do as she asks, but only if she'll do something for you first. This is assuming she's not asking you to spend money on her. If she wants you to buy her a drink tell her that you don't buy drinks for strangers. Only for your good friends. There is no reason for you to have to pay to speak with her. There are plenty of other women to talk to if she doesn't want to talk to you. Just walk away and talk to someone else.
The question you ask can be just about anything so long as it doesn't telegraph interest. But, if you can think of a two part question it's better. You can ask the first part and once they've answered it you can pull up a chair and ask the second part. Again mentioning you don't want to be late to meet your friend. Tell them the two of you are going to some special event, but don't invite them to join you. Yet.
After they've answered the second part you can ask for their names. It's important that you remember them. I have found it helpful to come up with a silly rhyme. Another great thing is to get into some kind of roll playing. Women love this. Tell them something like; “You guys are pretty cool. We should all quit our jobs and start a company so we can hang out together all the time. I'll be the CEO. What can you do?” Notice that this puts you in charge. This is important because you want them to think of you as a leader. Keep it playful and have fun. Later you can playfully fire them or give them a raise.
If you've done everything right so far they will start asking you questions about what you do or if you come here often. If they do, they are interested in you. You can relax, lean back and just vibe with them.
It's very important to keep everyone in the conversation. If you pay attention you can see women will look at one another often to see if they are both feeling the vibe. It's a sort of eye code saying “I like this guy. What do you think?” If one isn't feeling it she'll drag the others away. So, keep everyone happy and having fun.
This is a good time to talk a little about signals. The ones you are sending as well as the ones she is sending. This easiest way to think of this is to imagine two people sitting at a bar on stools. Both are facing the back of the bar. This is neutral rapport. If one turns to face the other he is seeking rapport. If she turns away from him she is breaking rapport. You want to mirror the singles she is sending you in a general way. As she becomes interested she will slowly turn to face you. You should turn in the same amount as her, but no more.
During the interaction you want to be playing little push & pull games with her. Say things like “Wow, you are too cool. I'd better get out of here before you get me in trouble” then turn your body slightly away from her. Or if the two of you are standing take a half step away. See if she turns towards you or follows you. Anything you can do to misinterpret something she does or says as flirting with you or trying to get into your paints in a fun playful way is great!
When you feel you have them hooked look at the time and tell them you have to leave. Tell them it's been a pleasure and you've enjoyed the conversation. Get up and walk a few steps away. You are breaking rapport by doing this and if they were enjoying your company they will feel a loss. Then stop, come back and say “Hey, you guys are pretty cool. Give me your phone number and I'll call you later. Maybe we can meet up and have a drink or something.” Again, don't ask for the number. Instruct her to give it to you. She can still say no.
All this will give the impression that you are a happy, friendly, social guy. Nothing more. There are no real lies in this. It's not manipulative or unethical. You are not trying to make her like you. You are simply being who you are and putting our best foot forward.
Lastly I want to say a few words about getting into the right mindset. It takes time. The first two or three groups on women you approach on any given night will likely blow you off. Don't sweat it. You have to get warmed up. Once you are warmed up you can get away with things that will blow your mind. I have walked up to a strange woman, sat down next to her and without a word began sucking on her ear. “What re you doing?” she asked.
“Shhhhh,” I said, “you're distracting me” and continued. You could never get away with that without the right frame of mind. She'd call a cop or slap your face. But, once you are in that state you can do no wrong. You can just grab women off the dance floor and they will fall into your arms. It works because of the force of your will. It may even appear to people that you have some kind of power over women. They may become envious and this can be a real problem.
Some men (and some women) may see you as a threat. They may challenge you. But. Don't sweat it. Guys are just like ugly chicks. Be friendly, shake their hands etc. if they really won't settle down find a bouncer and tell him that the guy has been over served. He'll take care of it.
If you met her in the afternoon you could call her that evening and invite her out. If you met her at night it's better to wait a day or two. Most of the numbers you get will likely flake. It's for this reason that you need to get a lot of phone numbers.
I have come to prefer texting to calling. The reason is most women keep their cell phone in a purse so when it rings they have to dig for it and they seem to seldom check their voice mail. In fact, I have had women tell me they never check their voice mail. If you send a text you know she will at least look at it.
I can see no reason why women couldn't use many of these same ideas to attract and interact with men. In fact, I learned most of this from interacting with women. They would have to make a few subtle changes I'm sure. But, it can work equally well for women.
I am not trying to suggest that all women are the same. On the contrary, each woman is unique. None of this will change her mind if she doesn't like you. This is simply a way to avoid many of the pitfalls and keep things moving forward toward beginning a sexual relationship. I have found as I'm sure many men have, that becoming friends with a woman first just doesn't work. If a man hasn't made his move within about 20 hours (three dates) she assumes he isn't interested or is too much of a sissy to go after what they both really want.
Many of the things I'm going to say may seem counter intuitive. They may not make sense to you. It may even seem that I am saying exactly the opposite of what you think makes logical sense. But, we aren't talking about logic in the usual sense. If you dig deeply enough into this it does make perfect sense on an evolutionary level. Every emotion we have is there to either keep us alive or to help us find a suitable mate. You may not understand why this would make you more interesting to women. If you have questions I'll try to answer them, but rest assured this can produce results.
What follows is how to make a good first impression on a woman you are interested in and nothing more. I'm not trying to change who you are. You absolutely must be yourself. But, you have to be your best, true self. You have to get out of your own way and stop acting like the guy you think she wants. You have to stop buying her gifts before you know who she really is. When you do that it comes across to women as if you are trying to buy them and they do not enjoy being treated like hookers. The truth is some women will like you and some won't. You cannot expect to get along with everyone. So, if she doesn't like you don't let it get to you. Be willing to walk away if things aren't clicking. Do not try to change her mind if she isn't into you. There is nothing you can say or do to make a woman like you. All you can do is make her dislike you. If you keep after her when she's indicated she isn't interested you'll only become that creepy stalker guy or that guy she calls when her new boyfriend needs help moving his furniture into her place.
Lastly, before I begin, I'd like to say that when you ask a woman for advice on this subject she answers by telling you what she wants in a relationship, not what attracts her in the first place. She really does want a man that will love and cherish her and give her flowers on her birthday. But, she wants to be loved for who she is, not for how she looks. Before you can love and cherish her you have to get to know her. Don't fawn all over her and follow her around like a puppy, picking up anything she drops! She isn't looking for a slave. She is looking for a man.
If you feel that learning this can help you lead a happier, more fulfilling life then give it a try. If not disregard it. You have nothing to lose.
Psychologists tell us 70% of what we communicate is visual. Appearance, posture and body language etc. 20% is tone or how you say something and only 10% are the words we actually say. That means 90% of what you communicate ain't coming out of your mouth. Attitude is very important. It's 90% of the of the game. With the proper attitude you can say anything and it will do the job because women are not attracted to what you say. They are attracted to who you are and that's what we are trying to present to her.
Women are attracted to high status men. That doesn't mean you have to be rich or famous. It simply means that you should to be comfortable within your environment. This is confidence. You feel safe and secure. You know you can handle whatever life throws at you whether it's because you have enough money to buy your way out, can fight your way out or can talk your way out or trouble. That's all confidence really is.
Women are also attracted to men that like themselves. This is self esteem. You take good care of yourself because you feel you are worth the effort. Men with high self esteem make sure they have on clean, well fitting clothes and keep themselves well groomed. I don't care how short or heavy you are, you will look better with a good haircut and clean, trimmed fingernails.
Stop worrying about the things you cannot change. They are more important to you than to other people. Your nose isn't too big. Your not too short. Instead work on the things you can do something about and forget the rest. If a woman doesn't like you because you are too whatever it has nothing to do with you. It's her problem to deal with. Find a woman that isn't so hung up on petty BS.
Learn about personal style and find out what works for your body type. Just because something works and looks good on one man doesn't mean it's going to work for every man. It's easier than you may think. And once you learn what you need to look good shopping becomes easier.
Okay, now let's get into the real stuff. Before you say hello to a woman you must eliminate any desire you may have for an outcome. You are not trying to get her phone number. You are not trying to get her to come home with you. You are simply saying hello and starting a conversation. Nothing more. Women can smell an agenda like shit on a shoe. You want her to get the feeling that you may leave at any second. This way she won't feel pressured or uncomfortable talking to you.
Do not ask if you can speak to her. Simply start taking to her and any friends she may be with. Also do not wait to approach. The longer you wait the more nervous you'll become. When you see her, approach her and start talking immediately.
A good pick up is designed to negotiate around any road blocks before they come up. For example, when you first approach her she'll likely be thinking, “How long am I going to have to put up with this guy?” So, you tell her you can only stay for a few seconds because you have to meet a friend.
A good way to start a conversation is to say something like, “Hey, you guys look pretty bright. I need a female opinion on something...” If you ask her if you can ask a question she may say no. Of course she could still say no, but she is less likely to if you just don't ask. Asking shows weakness. So, just go in and ask her.
Sometimes she'll test you right off the bat. Many of these tests are not done on a conscious level. She doesn't think “I'm going to test him.” But, she wants to find out who you are. She can't ask because you could lie. So, she must test you.
An example of a test might be something like: “I'll answer your question if you'll...” She wants to know if she can push you around. Will you stumble all over yourself to please her like so many other men have? She's been approached so often she's turned it into a game. The good news is if she's testing you, she's interested.
The way to pass her test is to tell her you'll do as she asks, but only if she'll do something for you first. This is assuming she's not asking you to spend money on her. If she wants you to buy her a drink tell her that you don't buy drinks for strangers. Only for your good friends. There is no reason for you to have to pay to speak with her. There are plenty of other women to talk to if she doesn't want to talk to you. Just walk away and talk to someone else.
The question you ask can be just about anything so long as it doesn't telegraph interest. But, if you can think of a two part question it's better. You can ask the first part and once they've answered it you can pull up a chair and ask the second part. Again mentioning you don't want to be late to meet your friend. Tell them the two of you are going to some special event, but don't invite them to join you. Yet.
After they've answered the second part you can ask for their names. It's important that you remember them. I have found it helpful to come up with a silly rhyme. Another great thing is to get into some kind of roll playing. Women love this. Tell them something like; “You guys are pretty cool. We should all quit our jobs and start a company so we can hang out together all the time. I'll be the CEO. What can you do?” Notice that this puts you in charge. This is important because you want them to think of you as a leader. Keep it playful and have fun. Later you can playfully fire them or give them a raise.
If you've done everything right so far they will start asking you questions about what you do or if you come here often. If they do, they are interested in you. You can relax, lean back and just vibe with them.
It's very important to keep everyone in the conversation. If you pay attention you can see women will look at one another often to see if they are both feeling the vibe. It's a sort of eye code saying “I like this guy. What do you think?” If one isn't feeling it she'll drag the others away. So, keep everyone happy and having fun.
This is a good time to talk a little about signals. The ones you are sending as well as the ones she is sending. This easiest way to think of this is to imagine two people sitting at a bar on stools. Both are facing the back of the bar. This is neutral rapport. If one turns to face the other he is seeking rapport. If she turns away from him she is breaking rapport. You want to mirror the singles she is sending you in a general way. As she becomes interested she will slowly turn to face you. You should turn in the same amount as her, but no more.
During the interaction you want to be playing little push & pull games with her. Say things like “Wow, you are too cool. I'd better get out of here before you get me in trouble” then turn your body slightly away from her. Or if the two of you are standing take a half step away. See if she turns towards you or follows you. Anything you can do to misinterpret something she does or says as flirting with you or trying to get into your paints in a fun playful way is great!
When you feel you have them hooked look at the time and tell them you have to leave. Tell them it's been a pleasure and you've enjoyed the conversation. Get up and walk a few steps away. You are breaking rapport by doing this and if they were enjoying your company they will feel a loss. Then stop, come back and say “Hey, you guys are pretty cool. Give me your phone number and I'll call you later. Maybe we can meet up and have a drink or something.” Again, don't ask for the number. Instruct her to give it to you. She can still say no.
All this will give the impression that you are a happy, friendly, social guy. Nothing more. There are no real lies in this. It's not manipulative or unethical. You are not trying to make her like you. You are simply being who you are and putting our best foot forward.
Lastly I want to say a few words about getting into the right mindset. It takes time. The first two or three groups on women you approach on any given night will likely blow you off. Don't sweat it. You have to get warmed up. Once you are warmed up you can get away with things that will blow your mind. I have walked up to a strange woman, sat down next to her and without a word began sucking on her ear. “What re you doing?” she asked.
“Shhhhh,” I said, “you're distracting me” and continued. You could never get away with that without the right frame of mind. She'd call a cop or slap your face. But, once you are in that state you can do no wrong. You can just grab women off the dance floor and they will fall into your arms. It works because of the force of your will. It may even appear to people that you have some kind of power over women. They may become envious and this can be a real problem.
Some men (and some women) may see you as a threat. They may challenge you. But. Don't sweat it. Guys are just like ugly chicks. Be friendly, shake their hands etc. if they really won't settle down find a bouncer and tell him that the guy has been over served. He'll take care of it.
If you met her in the afternoon you could call her that evening and invite her out. If you met her at night it's better to wait a day or two. Most of the numbers you get will likely flake. It's for this reason that you need to get a lot of phone numbers.
I have come to prefer texting to calling. The reason is most women keep their cell phone in a purse so when it rings they have to dig for it and they seem to seldom check their voice mail. In fact, I have had women tell me they never check their voice mail. If you send a text you know she will at least look at it.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Conversation Starters
The following “openers” are mine. I came up with them and have used them all in the field to successfully open groups of women. I have shared them with only a few friends, so women will not have heard any if them before. Try them out and see how they work for you. Remember to keep it light and fun.
I also want to say that I am not a big fan of routines. Although there are advantages to them I feel they slow down your progress in becoming more social and limit what you can talk about. However, I do think it's a good idea to have a few things tucked away to bring out if the conversation starts to lag. If the women get bored, they will think it's your fault. so keep things lively.
Before we get into the openers I want to point out a couple of things that you should do in every set. One, you should use a false time constraint. When you first open a group of strangers the first thought in their minds will be “how long are we going to have to put up with they weirdo?” By saying “I can't stay long because I need to get back to my friend” or “I only have a second. I'm meeting some at X.” You let them know right away that you won't be taking up too much of their time. They will relax and be more willing to chat with you a little.
The Brad & Angie Opener
You: Hey you guys, I was reading something on the web the other day and I want to hear what you guys think. Some science guys did a survey of collage aged women asking them if, given the chance, you would cheat on your boyfriend with Brad Pitt?
Girls: Yes, No, Maybe, I don't think he's that hot, etc.
At this point you should be able to join their group by taking a chair or pulling one over from another table. Use a false time constraint.
You: Well, about 40% said they would cheat with Brad. But, that's not all. They also asked if you'd cheat on your boyfriend with Angelina Jolie? And something like 70% said they would. So that means at least one of you would too! so, which one is it? You? no. You? maybe. You? Oh, you for sure.
Now, transition by asking “so, how do you guys know each other?” This is an important question and you will learn a lot of information by asking it. Are they room mates? Is one girl the sister of your target's boyfriend? Etc. Much can be learned with this simple question.
The Hairy Armpits Opener
This next opener is for groups of men and women that are seated together. Start off by addressing the men.
You: Hey guys I need some help here. My friend and I are having a disagreement and maybe you guys can help us settle it. Would any of you guys date a woman that didn't shave under her arms?
Allow the men to answer. Usually the women will chime in as well. Pull up a chair, join the group adding a false time constraint.
You: the reason I'm asking is because the other night we were out and I was talking to this girl and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then she took off her jacket and I saw she has hair under her arms. Now I'm not talking about just a little stubble here. I'm talking fur! My friend thinks I'm nuts because she was really attractive looking. But, I just couldn't roll with it. I mean it sort of grossed me out. So, what if the girl was like smoking hot would you still fell the same way?
Again let them answer.
You: Hey guys, thanks a lot guys it's been real helpful. So, how do all of you know each other?
If you do a google search I'm sure you can find thousands of openers and conversation starters. But, it's really best to ask about things you're truly curious about. Women like talking about animals, relationships and celebrity gossip. So, keep your ears open for good questions to start conversations with.
I also want to say that I am not a big fan of routines. Although there are advantages to them I feel they slow down your progress in becoming more social and limit what you can talk about. However, I do think it's a good idea to have a few things tucked away to bring out if the conversation starts to lag. If the women get bored, they will think it's your fault. so keep things lively.
Before we get into the openers I want to point out a couple of things that you should do in every set. One, you should use a false time constraint. When you first open a group of strangers the first thought in their minds will be “how long are we going to have to put up with they weirdo?” By saying “I can't stay long because I need to get back to my friend” or “I only have a second. I'm meeting some at X.” You let them know right away that you won't be taking up too much of their time. They will relax and be more willing to chat with you a little.
The Brad & Angie Opener
You: Hey you guys, I was reading something on the web the other day and I want to hear what you guys think. Some science guys did a survey of collage aged women asking them if, given the chance, you would cheat on your boyfriend with Brad Pitt?
Girls: Yes, No, Maybe, I don't think he's that hot, etc.
At this point you should be able to join their group by taking a chair or pulling one over from another table. Use a false time constraint.
You: Well, about 40% said they would cheat with Brad. But, that's not all. They also asked if you'd cheat on your boyfriend with Angelina Jolie? And something like 70% said they would. So that means at least one of you would too! so, which one is it? You? no. You? maybe. You? Oh, you for sure.
Now, transition by asking “so, how do you guys know each other?” This is an important question and you will learn a lot of information by asking it. Are they room mates? Is one girl the sister of your target's boyfriend? Etc. Much can be learned with this simple question.
The Hairy Armpits Opener
This next opener is for groups of men and women that are seated together. Start off by addressing the men.
You: Hey guys I need some help here. My friend and I are having a disagreement and maybe you guys can help us settle it. Would any of you guys date a woman that didn't shave under her arms?
Allow the men to answer. Usually the women will chime in as well. Pull up a chair, join the group adding a false time constraint.
You: the reason I'm asking is because the other night we were out and I was talking to this girl and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then she took off her jacket and I saw she has hair under her arms. Now I'm not talking about just a little stubble here. I'm talking fur! My friend thinks I'm nuts because she was really attractive looking. But, I just couldn't roll with it. I mean it sort of grossed me out. So, what if the girl was like smoking hot would you still fell the same way?
Again let them answer.
You: Hey guys, thanks a lot guys it's been real helpful. So, how do all of you know each other?
If you do a google search I'm sure you can find thousands of openers and conversation starters. But, it's really best to ask about things you're truly curious about. Women like talking about animals, relationships and celebrity gossip. So, keep your ears open for good questions to start conversations with.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Getting Your Look Together Part 2
This blog is supposed to be about attracting women and I'll get to that. first I feel it's important to discuss a few things about fashion. You may find it hard to believe, but it's true. Even if you're short, fat and bald with a big nose and crooked teeth you can still meet and attract women. You don't need good looks. But, you do need a look that works for you. Once you understand what works for you finding clothes is much easier because you no longer have to sort through to stuff you know won't work.
I also should tell you that many of the things you buy will need to be taken to a good tailor before you can wear them out. How your clothes fit is more important than what style they are. I take all my dress shirts to a tailor before I wear them as well as most of my paints.
Now a few words about printed T-shirts. Unless you know what you are doing (most men don't) you should just avoid them. Yes, there are some prints that can help make you look wider. However, I don't think looking wider is a problem for most men.
You also need to dress your age. It's alright to wear things that make you look younger as long as they are appropriate for your body type. But, that doesn't mean you can pull off Affliction brand shirts if you are over 40. Some can, but most cannot.
Let's get into colors and matching. A good casual look is wearing a T-shirt layered with a striped sports, oxford or button down shirt. The trick to matching the color is to pick the most subtle color i the stripes and wear a T-shirt in that color. For example, I used to have a blue button down with mostly white pen stripes. but it also had a few yellow pen stripes mixed in. Wearing a yellow T-shirt underneath it looked good. It also worked with a white T-shirt as well.
Having a unique look is important and I can't really help you with that because I don't know you. But, you have to find one that works for you. Maybe you are surfer guy. Or maybe you are Russian strip club owner guy. Whatever it is you have to find it and learn to work it. It may help you to find someone in the entertainment business it look to as a guide. Someone with a build similar to your's. Just understand that what works on Brad Pitt or George Clooney may not work on you. You may need to follow someone like Jack Black or Denis Hopper.
I also should tell you that many of the things you buy will need to be taken to a good tailor before you can wear them out. How your clothes fit is more important than what style they are. I take all my dress shirts to a tailor before I wear them as well as most of my paints.
Now a few words about printed T-shirts. Unless you know what you are doing (most men don't) you should just avoid them. Yes, there are some prints that can help make you look wider. However, I don't think looking wider is a problem for most men.
You also need to dress your age. It's alright to wear things that make you look younger as long as they are appropriate for your body type. But, that doesn't mean you can pull off Affliction brand shirts if you are over 40. Some can, but most cannot.
Let's get into colors and matching. A good casual look is wearing a T-shirt layered with a striped sports, oxford or button down shirt. The trick to matching the color is to pick the most subtle color i the stripes and wear a T-shirt in that color. For example, I used to have a blue button down with mostly white pen stripes. but it also had a few yellow pen stripes mixed in. Wearing a yellow T-shirt underneath it looked good. It also worked with a white T-shirt as well.
Having a unique look is important and I can't really help you with that because I don't know you. But, you have to find one that works for you. Maybe you are surfer guy. Or maybe you are Russian strip club owner guy. Whatever it is you have to find it and learn to work it. It may help you to find someone in the entertainment business it look to as a guide. Someone with a build similar to your's. Just understand that what works on Brad Pitt or George Clooney may not work on you. You may need to follow someone like Jack Black or Denis Hopper.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Getting Your Look Together Part 1
In this issue of my blog I want to cover the main mistakes I see men making when it comes to fashion. I don't care what your body looks like, the right clothes can make a huge difference. We may all have unique bodies, but there are several rules that if followed can really help you make a better first impression.
Let's start at the top and work our way down. Get a GREAT haircut. Find a stylist that knows what he or she is doing and let them do their job. They know more about what you need than you do. Accept their advice. Even if you have male pattern balding, a good stylist can still do wonders.
If you wear facial hair keep it trimmed and neat. Facial hair can also do a lot when it comes to covering sins. For example, growing a beard can hide a double chin. If yo do decide to grow a beard do not cut it off at your jaw line. This will make you appear to have a double chin even if you don't have one. So, grow it on your neck, under your chin down to about your Adam's apple.
Shoulders. As a man you want to have a masculine silhouette. That means wide shoulders and narrow waist. Don't worry if you have a belly, we're going to get to that.
Think of a perfect male figure in art. Michel Angelo's David is the best example. Notice the ratio of his shoulder width compared to the size of his head. If you measure it you'll find that his head is one third the width of his shoulders. So, that's where you want to start. If you have a large head, you'll need to buy shirts and jackets that make your shoulders look wider.
The obvious answer is jackets padded shoulders. And they will do the trick. But, what about when it too hot for a jacket? There are other tricks. If you can find a shirt with a horizontal stripe or other design across the chest and onto the sleeves it will definitely make you appear wider. On the other hand, if you want to look more narrow avoid anything horizontal. Especially across your belly.
Now, about that belly. First, you have to buy paints that actually fit. Most men buy their paints to fit their hips not their waist. If you have a belly, doing this will only make it seem bigger and give your ass an unattractive baggy appearance. It's much better to get over any vanity and buy larger waisted paints and wear them at your actual waist. This way you won't have that spare tire of love handles hanging over the top of your jeans, covering your belt buckle.
Another good trick t use if you want to seem narrower is to layer one shirt over another leaving the top one opened. This creates a line from your neck down that is slimming.
Wearing vertical stripes can make you appear slimmer as well a taller. Another trick to looking taller is to dress in all one color.
Something men don't usually think about is the texture of their clothes. How it feels. They should! I remember once looking at sweaters. There was a woman there also looking at them shopping for her husband. I watched as she “molested” sweater after sweater. She caressed, squeezed and rubbed them all and finally settled on the one she thought felt the best. I bought the same one and women cannot keep their hands off it. A soft sweater is MUCH better than a sweatshirt.
Let's start at the top and work our way down. Get a GREAT haircut. Find a stylist that knows what he or she is doing and let them do their job. They know more about what you need than you do. Accept their advice. Even if you have male pattern balding, a good stylist can still do wonders.
If you wear facial hair keep it trimmed and neat. Facial hair can also do a lot when it comes to covering sins. For example, growing a beard can hide a double chin. If yo do decide to grow a beard do not cut it off at your jaw line. This will make you appear to have a double chin even if you don't have one. So, grow it on your neck, under your chin down to about your Adam's apple.
Shoulders. As a man you want to have a masculine silhouette. That means wide shoulders and narrow waist. Don't worry if you have a belly, we're going to get to that.
Think of a perfect male figure in art. Michel Angelo's David is the best example. Notice the ratio of his shoulder width compared to the size of his head. If you measure it you'll find that his head is one third the width of his shoulders. So, that's where you want to start. If you have a large head, you'll need to buy shirts and jackets that make your shoulders look wider.
The obvious answer is jackets padded shoulders. And they will do the trick. But, what about when it too hot for a jacket? There are other tricks. If you can find a shirt with a horizontal stripe or other design across the chest and onto the sleeves it will definitely make you appear wider. On the other hand, if you want to look more narrow avoid anything horizontal. Especially across your belly.
Now, about that belly. First, you have to buy paints that actually fit. Most men buy their paints to fit their hips not their waist. If you have a belly, doing this will only make it seem bigger and give your ass an unattractive baggy appearance. It's much better to get over any vanity and buy larger waisted paints and wear them at your actual waist. This way you won't have that spare tire of love handles hanging over the top of your jeans, covering your belt buckle.
Another good trick t use if you want to seem narrower is to layer one shirt over another leaving the top one opened. This creates a line from your neck down that is slimming.
Wearing vertical stripes can make you appear slimmer as well a taller. Another trick to looking taller is to dress in all one color.
Something men don't usually think about is the texture of their clothes. How it feels. They should! I remember once looking at sweaters. There was a woman there also looking at them shopping for her husband. I watched as she “molested” sweater after sweater. She caressed, squeezed and rubbed them all and finally settled on the one she thought felt the best. I bought the same one and women cannot keep their hands off it. A soft sweater is MUCH better than a sweatshirt.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Tao of Cool
What is cool? What does it mean to be cool? Can anyone be cool or is cool reserved for only a lucky few? Can you buy cool? If you own enough cool things will you become cool? How do we recognize cool? Why is cool more attractive to women?
I don't want to confuse being cool with being alpha. Although you can be both at once, they are different. Alpha means being in charge. But, the guy in charge isn't always cool. Cool is more than alpha. Although the real alpha men are almost always cool.
Let's think about what cool is. Cool is relaxed. Cool is comfortable. Cool is confident. Cool is feeling secure in your place in society. Cool is knowing you are in a place of abundance. Knowing you have everything you need to get anything you want. Cool is knowing you are not lacking anything. You are complete. Cool is acceptance of yourself and who you are. Most importantly, cool is getting out of your own way and doing what you know you need to do. When you re cool you don't have to worry about being alpha because it will take care of it's self.
Cool is not what you do or how you act or what you wear or the things you own. Cool is who you are. Cool is not your job. Cool is how you view yourself and your attitude towards the world around you. Cool is also allowing others to be who they are even if you don't agree with them or their lifestyle.
So, can anyone become cool and if so how do you go about it?
The first step to becoming cool is to take an honest look at yourself and understand who you are deep inside. This is harder than it sounds. You may need a close friend to help you. Just remember whatever he says is not an insult. Don't become angry. Allow it to sink in and learn from it. Then you have to accept it as part of who you are and stop pretending you're something you're not. If you're shy, be shy. If you're outgoing, be outgoing.
Another important aspect of being cool is understanding that not everyone is going to like you. Some people will like you and some won't. So, forget about the ones that don't like you and focus on the ones that do.
Cool people don't try to make up for their shortcomings. They understand that no one is perfect and that it's our imperfections that make us unique and special. Perfect people are boring. So, celebrate your flaws.
Cool people understand their gifts. Your gifts are the things you love to do. The things you've become good at through practice. Do you draw or play a musical instrument? What are you good at? What are you passionate about? Without passion life is nothing. Travel perhaps? If there were no women in the world how would you spend your free time?
When you become cool women will approach and open you. You will radiate a confident, relaxed vibe women will find irresistible. They will chase after you and hang on your every word. They will want to sleep with you and be disappointed if they can't.
Now, let go. Let go of everything you worry about. Give up fretting about that girl you have a crush on. Forget about all those people that make fun of you. Be calm and empty your mind. Sop thinking and just be. When you are like that everywhere, all the time you will be cool.
Be cool
Scoundrel
I don't want to confuse being cool with being alpha. Although you can be both at once, they are different. Alpha means being in charge. But, the guy in charge isn't always cool. Cool is more than alpha. Although the real alpha men are almost always cool.
Let's think about what cool is. Cool is relaxed. Cool is comfortable. Cool is confident. Cool is feeling secure in your place in society. Cool is knowing you are in a place of abundance. Knowing you have everything you need to get anything you want. Cool is knowing you are not lacking anything. You are complete. Cool is acceptance of yourself and who you are. Most importantly, cool is getting out of your own way and doing what you know you need to do. When you re cool you don't have to worry about being alpha because it will take care of it's self.
Cool is not what you do or how you act or what you wear or the things you own. Cool is who you are. Cool is not your job. Cool is how you view yourself and your attitude towards the world around you. Cool is also allowing others to be who they are even if you don't agree with them or their lifestyle.
So, can anyone become cool and if so how do you go about it?
The first step to becoming cool is to take an honest look at yourself and understand who you are deep inside. This is harder than it sounds. You may need a close friend to help you. Just remember whatever he says is not an insult. Don't become angry. Allow it to sink in and learn from it. Then you have to accept it as part of who you are and stop pretending you're something you're not. If you're shy, be shy. If you're outgoing, be outgoing.
Another important aspect of being cool is understanding that not everyone is going to like you. Some people will like you and some won't. So, forget about the ones that don't like you and focus on the ones that do.
Cool people don't try to make up for their shortcomings. They understand that no one is perfect and that it's our imperfections that make us unique and special. Perfect people are boring. So, celebrate your flaws.
Cool people understand their gifts. Your gifts are the things you love to do. The things you've become good at through practice. Do you draw or play a musical instrument? What are you good at? What are you passionate about? Without passion life is nothing. Travel perhaps? If there were no women in the world how would you spend your free time?
When you become cool women will approach and open you. You will radiate a confident, relaxed vibe women will find irresistible. They will chase after you and hang on your every word. They will want to sleep with you and be disappointed if they can't.
Now, let go. Let go of everything you worry about. Give up fretting about that girl you have a crush on. Forget about all those people that make fun of you. Be calm and empty your mind. Sop thinking and just be. When you are like that everywhere, all the time you will be cool.
Be cool
Scoundrel
Friday, October 16, 2009
First Blog
Well, I'm starting this blog because it appears I'll be asked to leave a certain message forum. I'm sad about this. But, if most of the forum members fell I should go I don't want to cause trouble. It seems that some people don't like having their opinions challenged even when that challenge comes in a friendly way.
Most of these blog posts will be about my life and the things I enjoy. A journal of sorts. I'd like to make one thing clear. I do not want to become some kind of pick up guru. I do not want to and will not teach anyone. If you can learn something from reading this blog I'm happy to have helped. But, I won't become some kind of Dear Abby for want to be pick up artists.
In this blog I will talk about the things I feel are most important and ignore the things I feel are nonsense. These are my opinions and no one else is responsible for the content of this blog.
Sometimes I may write a "field report." Or I may write about something I have learned. One thing you can count on is that I will tell you the truth as I see it. I have no products to sell. I am not doing this to make money. This is nothing more than my thoughts, feelings and ideas about whatever takes my interest at the moment.
Thank you for reading.
Scoundrel
Most of these blog posts will be about my life and the things I enjoy. A journal of sorts. I'd like to make one thing clear. I do not want to become some kind of pick up guru. I do not want to and will not teach anyone. If you can learn something from reading this blog I'm happy to have helped. But, I won't become some kind of Dear Abby for want to be pick up artists.
In this blog I will talk about the things I feel are most important and ignore the things I feel are nonsense. These are my opinions and no one else is responsible for the content of this blog.
Sometimes I may write a "field report." Or I may write about something I have learned. One thing you can count on is that I will tell you the truth as I see it. I have no products to sell. I am not doing this to make money. This is nothing more than my thoughts, feelings and ideas about whatever takes my interest at the moment.
Thank you for reading.
Scoundrel
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