This week I'm going to get into self esteem and confidence or “inner game,” to use a sports analogy. Confidence is different from self esteem in that the former is knowing your own abilities while the latter is how you view yourself. You need both to become attractive to women.

How well do you take care of yourself? Do you go the extra mile to be sure your clothes fit properly? Do you brush your teeth and groom yourself daily? When you have your hair cut do you get the cheapest haircut you can find or do you make an effort to find a good stylist that understands what haircut will work with the shape of your head and texture of your hair?

I'm not saying you have to spend $200.00 on a haircut and have all your clothes tailer made, unless that's what you want to do. However, going to a little higher priced stylist and having your shirts altered to fit better doesn't cost much and it will make a difference in how you look to others, as well as to yourself. When you can get shower, shave, get dressed, comb your hair, look in the mirror and say “Wow! I look damn good!” You will project a better vibe to the world. So, take good care of yourself because you deserve it.

Confidence comes from competence. You become competent through practice. You have to go out and talk to lots of women to become confident in your ability to interact, socialize and attract them. You will make mistakes. You will be rejected. You will be embarrassed and humiliated. These are all things you must work your way through to get to where you want to be.

If you decided you wanted to learn to play guitar you wouldn't expect to just pick one up and play like a rock star. You have to put in the time and practice to become good and developing your social skills is no different. You have to learn where the lines are and the only way to learn that is by crossing them many, many times.

You have to push beyond what you think is socially acceptable behavior. You may have to do things that your friends will put you down for doing. They will probably try to stop you from improving yourself. They like you being your old self. You have to ignore them and push ahead on your own.

Maybe you think you need something else to become attractive. This simply isn't true. You already have everything you need. In fact, many of the things you may think you need are really a disadvantage when it comes to meeting the kind of woman you really want to spend time with. Let's go over a few.

Money:

Many men think women want a man that can provide for her needs. Buy her a car, a house, nice clothes etc. Let me give you a news flash. YOU CANNOT BUY WOMEN. You may be able to rent them for a few hours. But, is that the type of woman you really want in your life? Moreover, displaying your wealth can communicate low self worth. It comes off as bragging more often than not. This is the 21st century. Women can make their own money. They don't need you for that.

Good Looks:

Good looks are nice to have. Like money, looks can open many doors. But, if you're a boring person, good looks won't help you attract women once you start talking to them. There are some women who are attracted to certain looks. Some girls like athletic guys while others like nerdy guys. This is the same as some men preferring blonds. If a woman had everything else you found attractive, would you kick her out of bed simply because she not a blond? I wouldn't!

Men Want Sex More Than Women.

This one is total bullshit. When a woman finds a man attractive she wants as much sex as he can handle! Women are simply more selective about who they want to sleep with. Also, most women won't admit to enjoying sex for fear of being labeled a slut. Having that tag carries social repercussions that can make life more difficult for her. Her reputation is important. But, she enjoys sex every bit as much as any man does. In fact, women very probably enjoy it more! Their orgasms are last longer and are deeper and wider than ours are. One might even say women's orgasms are more profound. Women LOVE their orgasms.

Attraction is an emotion. It can't be flipped on and off at will. A woman may meet a man that has everything she THINKS she wants. He has a good job, he comes from a good family, he lives in a good neighborhood. On “paper” he's very attractive. But, he just doesn't move her emotionally. So, she jumps on the back of a motorcycle with a guy in a leather jacket and no bank account. Why? Because he moved her emotionally.

To develop confidence you'll have to make mistakes. You'll have to risk looking foolish. There will be times when you feel like the kid in school that tripped in the lunchroom and spilled his tray of food all over the floor. You'll have to learn to laugh at yourself. The first 1000 women you talk to won't even count. But, it helps to understand female psychology. When you understand what moves her emotionally, she'll be begging to suck your cock. You can fuck her her up the ass, cum on her face and she'll even bring her girlfriends over to help her satisfy you!

So, what does move women emotionally? What do women value in a man? How can you get her interested in you? It is my opinion that above all else women value strength in a man. But, that doesn't mean physical strength. It means strength of character. It means he stands by his word and won't be easily swayed from his path. That is what women mean when they say they want a “real man.” Women want a man they can respect. A man to sit at the head of the table. A man that will lead, but is open to her thoughts and ideas. A man who is cool headed and calm under most any circumstances. A rock she can cling to when she is feeling uncertain. And she will test you, constantly, to be sure you have this quality. And the moment she discovers you slipping she will begin to lose her attraction for you. So, you must be congruent with who you clam to be at all times. In other words, never lie to her about anything.

She will test you by sort of poking at your armor. She'll throw little digs at you to see how you'll react. The way to pass her tests is to remain un-reactive. Don't let her push you off where you stand. Don't back peddle. But, don't argue with her either. This will display tolerance to social pressure. You don't care if she agrees with you or not.

Don't invest too much in the interaction. Don't offer to buy her a drink until after the two of you have starting to hit it off. Talk and vibe with her for 20 or 30 minutes before you offer to buy her a drink. You are waiting for her to earn the drink by connecting with you.

Be willing to walk away if she isn't into you. Don't chase her. Maybe this will come as a shock, but NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO LIKE YOU. So what if one chick blows you off? There's another one just over there, maybe she'll be into you. Go and find out.

Wingmen

This week I'll be going into what makes a good wing as well as what a wing should be doing to help you out. It should go without saying you'll be doing the same for him.

Let's get started by laying out the way you approach and open a woman or group of women with a wing. You shouldn't go in together. If you do one of you will be talking to the girls while the other stands around with his thumb in his ass.

It's better if you go in alone, open the girls and then your wing can join in after a few minutes. When your wing comes in, turn to face him. This let's the girls know this man has value n your life. He's a close friend. Introduce him to the girls and allow him to take over for a few minutes. When you introduce him tell them something interesting about him, something unique. “Ladies, I'd like you to meet my very good friend Wing. This guy is the most amazing guitar player (or whatever) I've heard and he gets laid like a rock star!”

If your wingman has value and he's your friend, you must have some value as well. Then your wing can say “hey you guys, are you having a good night? So, how do you know Scoundrel here? You just met him? Well, let me tell you, this guy is nuts! He once rode his Harley through a crowded movie theater!” Now, your wing has just given you props. The two of you can go on about how cool the other one is without bragging. Your wing can tell the girls exactly why they should want to know you and you will do the same for him. Get it?

Another thing a good wing will do is follow your lead and agree with what you say. This will give you creditability even when you are saying something outrageous. That doesn't mean you should lie about something important like your job or how much money you have in the bank. It means you can joke around with the girls and fool them in a playful way.

For example you might say something like “you know, all the women in Brazil walk around nude all the time.” Then your wing might say “That's true! And none of them have any pubic hair.” After that you can take it up another notch and keep going back and forth until one of the girls calls you on it. It's fun!

Another way to open women with a wing is you open one group while your wing opens another. Then you can merge both groups. Say something like “you guys have to meet my friend Scoundrel. He is so cool and girls love him. You're going to love him.” He'll say something similar to his group. This way when you go in bringing girls and you find him with girls you both automatically have some value.

A good wing will also help you out by keep one girl occupied while you take the other one away to “show her something cool.” But, if your wing drops the ball the other girls will assume that sense he's dull, you must be dull too and they have to rescue their friend. They'll grab her and say, “let's go dance,” and you'll be SOL.

The rule is whoever opens the girls has first pick. However, there may be times when your first pick just isn't into you. If this happens let it go. It's likely that this girl just likes his type. Some girls like athletic guys and others like nerds. Remember, no one is able to score every time.

So, respect your wingman because it goes both ways.

Planning The Seduction

Okay, so you've taken her on a great date. You both had a fun and you've been slowly escalating your physical touch. You're both feeling the heat. It's on and you know it. But, you may still have a couple of hurdles to clear.

Before we get into what to do I want to discuss why a woman may resist sex even when she really wants it. There are two main reasons. The first is social pressure. She doesn't want you, or anyone else, thinking she's a slut. If she offers herself to soon others may look down on her. So, you have to stop thinking if she has sex with you too soon she's a slut. You must never judge her in this way. She needs to know you won't think any less of her.

The other reasons have to do with her evolutionary programming. Until the last 100 years or so, many women died during child birth. It isn't much of an issue today. But, she is programed to have a certain amount of fear and reluctance to a new sexual partner. This is because women invest much more in the continuation of our species than men do. A man only gives up a little sperm. But, a woman gives up nine months of her life to grow a child inside her and may even risk death. She may not know why she's feeling this need to resist. But, she feels like she's just put all her money on red and the wheel is spinning.

She needs to know you'll be around to help her if she gets pregnant. Truthfully, she may not even want you around. And she likely doesn't want to get pregnant. She just wants it to be up to her. 10,000 years ago a pregnant woman with no man didn't stand much of a chance of survival. Things are different today, but we were programmed to live back then. We're old models living in a new world and evolution hasn't caught up.

How long a woman waits before having sex is a huge concern. If she gives in too soon will you still cherish her? If she waits to long will you leave her for a woman that's more willing? Personally, if I sleep with a woman once, I'm planing on doing it many more times. But, if we've spent more than about 20 hours together and she still doesn't want to have sex with me, I'm cutting my losses and finding another woman.

As men it's our job to ease her through any reluctance she may be feeling. She has to want it as much as you do or you could end up in a date rape law suit. Remember no means no. Even when the both of you are completely nude, in bed and you're about to enter her. If she says no, YOU MUST STOP.

Let's get real here. Women aren't stupid. They know sex could happen when they go up to your place. Moreover, if she comes over she probably wants sex. But, that doesn't mean it's a given. She still wants to have the option of stopping. If you decided it was off, it would be off. You have to allow her the same power. However, if you follow the simple rules I'm going to give you she won't want to stop.

So, the first thing is to move slowly. I covered this a little last time, but it bears repeating. If at any time you feel her start to tense up or she feels the least bit uncomfortable STOP. Rewind and go back. She's having fun, but you cannot rush her. You're the driver, but you have to move at her pace. If you can stop just slightly BEFORE she says stop it will drive her wild with desire. You'll be teasing her and she'll love it and want you all the more.

Start by having her help you set the mood. Toss her some matches and say “Light the candles while I wash up.” Then go in the bathroom and wash your cock.

When you come out ask her if she wants to wash up while you turn on some music or start the DVD player or whatever you have planned. This will help her to get into the mood and she'll appreciate it.

There are three common times when she'll try to stop you. The first is when you start to remove her shirt and/or bra. She may say something like, “maybe we should stop.” If this happens agree with her. Tell her yes, you should stop. But, keep going. She didn't say stop. She said “maybe.”

If she still resists, stop. Stop kissing her. Stop cuddling with her. Stop touching her completely. If she asks you what's wrong don't get angry and do not whine. I'm sure you've tried both of these tactics already and know they don't work. Instead, tell her you understand. But, do not touch her for about five minutes. She may ask if you're angry. Tell her she said no and you respect that. In fact, hearing no turns you off. You're not mad, but making out leads to sex and if she doesn't want to have sex there are lots of other things the two of you can do. Then get up and check your email or something. Do this flatly, without emotion. Be indifferent.

She may try to get things moving again by kissing the back of your neck or caressing you. If she does tell her to take off her top. If she refuses just wait five minutes and you start again. Kiss her for a minute or so and tell her to take her top off. If she does you can get back to making out.

You want her to be bored and feel a little uncomfortable NOT making out with you. What's going on in her head is things were feeling good and now it's stopped. She doesn't want it to stop, so she has to follow your lead by taking of her top.

This is important because you are not forcing yourself on her. She is part of the seduction. It's mutual.

She may stop you again when you go for her pants. Again, tell her you understand and stop touching her. Turn on the TV or something. Do the least sexy thing you can think you can think of. Now she's the one that's frustrated. Give her about ten minutes this time and start again. Tell her to take off her pants.

Every time she says no or stop, you will stop and do what I said above. EVERY TIME.

Now, you're both nude. She's wet and you're hard. Do not enter her yet. Tease her first. Rub the head of your cock all around her pussy. Keep kissing her and playing with her breasts and rubbing her with your cock. Soon she'll say she wants you inside her. But, don't do it yet. Just continue teasing her. She may say “please” and start to beg. But, wait until she's asked for your prick three times. Then give her just a little bit of it and take it away. She'll beg for more and you can give her a little more. Keep this game going for fifteen or twenty minutes until she is about to burst.

Now, you can fuck her like there's no tomorrow! Enjoy yourself.

The Date

Alright, here it is. My guide for planning a great date that won't cost you a bank and everyone will have a great time.

Okay, so you have sorted through all those phone numbers and eliminated the flakes. You have found at least one woman that trusts you enough to meet you someplace alone. Good for you!

The first thing you need to do is RELAX. She made a plan to see you. That means she likes you. You don't have to worry about that. It's your job now to form a real emotional connection with her. You cannot fake this. It has to be real. I can't tell you how to do it, but I can tell you how to make it easy to do.

The main thing she needs is time. She wants to talk and get to know more about who you are. So, DO NOT TAKE HER TO A PLACE YOU CANNOT TALK WITH HER. Like a movie or a loud bar.

It's going to take her about 15 or so hours with you to feel comfortable enough to begin a sexual relationship with you. You could spread this out over two of three dates or, if you plan well, you could get it all out of the way on a single date. This is the way I do it and it's what I'll be talking about here.

Face it, we're men. We want to get to the sex as soon as we can. So, I like to plan a date with the end in mind. I want the date to end with her having breakfast in my bed the next morning.

Believe it or not, women want this too. She wants to have sex. She just doesn't want to feel slutty about it. It's our job as men to plan a date that eases her into sex in a way that feels natural. Like it's just the next step to having a great day.

The trouble most guys have is they either try to rush her or they leave everything up to her. Rushing her will only make her think she's on a date with an octopus. Waiting for her to make the move sends the single that you don't have the ability to lead the interaction and want to be a follower. Women are attracted to leaders. So, lead her gently all the way to your bedroom.

As I said, start with the end in mind. That means you should ask her to meet you at your place or at least somewhere close to your place. I like to start a date at some kind of little local place with a light atmosphere. A coffee house is good. It's even better if you have a few friends there that will say hello, but won't be a bother. This sends the signal that you are a cool guy with cool friends. It helps build trust because serial killers don't have friends.

So, chat for a while at the coffee house. Just relax and vibe with her. Have fun! But, keep in mind that you need to break the touch barrier soon. This let's her know that you are interested in her as more than a friend. Just give her a little tap on her hand or knee as you make some point in your conversation. The foreplay has now begun.

Throughout the date you should be slowly escalating the physical contact. But, if she seems the least bit uncomfortable STOP! Rewind. Take it back a step or two and start the climb again. This will drive her crazy with desire if you do it right. But, take it very slowly.

You should plan the date to have three or four venue changes. This keeps things fresh , interesting and exciting. So, if she came to your place to meet you invite her in, but do not give her the tour. Allow her to see it and move things along quickly to the next venue.

After coffee you could take her to an art gallery or a museum. This is good because there are lots of things to see and talk about. Ask her what she liked the most and listen to her reply. Tell her your opinion of what you saw as well. You don't have to agree with her about every detail. If she liked the elephant and you liked the lion that's fine. Just be laid back and cool.

The next venue I like to be doing something. This could be shooting pool, bowling, plating darts or whatever. So long as it's interactive. It's alright to have a beer, but don't over do it. She'll be watching to see if you may have a drinking problem. Also you don't want her thinking you are trying to get her drunk.

After that it's time for dinner. You don't have to take her to a fancy French place with high prices. Just don't take her to McDonald's either. I have found that quaint little local places are the most charming. If they offer some kind of unique food or drink make sure you tell her about it. In fact, you should have already told her about it during the pool game.

You want to avoid asking interview type questions like “where are you from?” and “do you live around here?” Instead ask her about her future plans. Ask her about her career. Unless she's a waitress or something ask her what she finds most “fulfilling” about her work. This is a deeper question than “what do you like about your job?” It makes her think on a deeper level. And it makes her think “wow, this guy is really interested in my life.” And you should be interested in getting to know her on a deeper level.

During dinner you can bring up some cool thing you have back at your place. This is sort of planting a seed. It'll give her a reason to come back to your place later. Women need this. She knows the two of you are going back there for sex. But, she needs to feel like she's going over there to see this cool thing and sex “just happened.” I know, it's silly. But, that's how women are. So, give her what she needs.

If you notice her yawning or getting tired, order coffee. Or even better espresso. You don't want her feeling worn out.

After dinner I like to take a woman to a nightclub (not a bar) to see a band. Not a heavy metal or punk band. But a Jazz or Blues band. Again, feel free to have a drink, but don't over do it. If she wants to dance don't freak out. Just get up and do it. All you have to do is step side to side in time with the music. It's like tapping your foot to the beat. Don't worry about looking foolish. She likely can't dance any better than you anyway. Just have fun looking silly together.

If you have been slowing working your way up the touch ladder you may be able to find a good moment for a kiss. It should be in a secluded place in or outside the venue. Don't force it. It should feel like the next natural step. Relaxed and easy.

By this time it should be around midnight. Take her back to her car, but invite her back to your place to see that cool thing-a-ma-jig you have there. But, tell her you have to get up early and she can't stay too long. This will calm any fears she may have about coming inside. Again, she's not stupid. She knows sex may happen if she goes back to your place. Once she's there it's your job to make her feel comfortable with whatever happens. It's your job to make things “just happen.”