Example

This is from an online, email conversation I had with an attractive young lady on a dating site. It has a very good example of how things go even in real life. Enjoy!

Me: Do you want to rob a bank with me? I'll drive the getaway car while you go inside and grab the cash. Then we'll fly to Las Vegas, get married in one of those cheesy little places, have wild parties with showgirls and Elvis impersonators, argue because you don't want to name our first child Otto (even if it's a girl), get a divorce and spend the rest of our lives growing old, lonely and depressed.

But, we'll always remember Vegas.

Her: can I drive? I'm not very intimidating. :-)

Me: What? No way! Then I'd have to do the dangerous part. I could be shot. I'm very sensitive you know.

Her: well they won't listen to me. you are probably much more intimidating than me. they would just laugh and take my gun away.

Me: Well, you'll just have to find the bitch goddess within. You are Kali the destroyer! You can do it! Be assertive.

Or we could just have a coffee.


Her: lol, I might be able to get my boyfriend to do it. :-)

but coffee is always good.

Me: You have a boyfriend? That rocks! You should totally get him to do it. Then you could be the look out. We'll ditch him when we get to Vegas.

Her: I think he might have something to say about that. :-) but if he would that would be cool.

Me: We won't tell him about the ditching part. He wouldn't like that. We'll just find him some bimbo to keep him busy while you and I split his cut. Then we'll catch another flight to Rio and bask in the sun. He'll wake up hung over and confused and we'll be having tropical drinks on sandy beaches.

Her: lol, I don't know if that would work. but it might.

Me: Sure it'll work. I'm the king of clever plans! All my friends tell me "Ray, you always have the most clever plans." I'm a clever kind of guy.

You're a cool chick. I like you. Most women don't get this kind of thing. But, you're different.

Her: but then again lots of women are uptight bitches. and another thing, how do you know you won't be waking up hungover and with the bimbo?

Me: I'd be okay with that. I'm not very materialistic. I'd chalk it up as a fun weekend.

I have an intuition about you. I think your sexuality is fractured.

Her: what do you mean, fractured?

Me: On the one hand, you need a man that loves and cherishes you. A man that remembers your birthday and buys you flowers. But on the other hand, you also need a man that grabs you by the hair, drags you to his cave and pounds you like a dirty little slut. It's hard to find a man that can address both sides isn't it?

Her: yeah, but I have alot of people trying. I think my bf is doing pretty good so far.

Me: That's great! You two should get married, buy a little house, get a dog and have a couple of kids.

Then, after a few years, once you've decided pretty good isn't really enough you can cheat with me. So, you'd better get my number while you have the chance.

Her: hell no, I don't want kids and I sure as hell won't be settling down for a long time.

Me: Awesome! Settling down is over rated. You have a great attitude! And a good energy. You have a quick mind and from what I've seen, a dazzling personality. You've impressed me and that doesn't happen very often. Keep up the good work!

Her: thank you. you seem pretty cool to, I wouldn't mind hanging out sometime, but it probably won't be to soon seeing as your in Big Springs.

Me: I just moved here last week and there is NOTHING to do in Big Spring. So, I've been going to Midland whenever I get a chance. My number is 817 *** ****. Send me a text sometime if you want to do something interesting and have some stimulating conversation. But, I work nights. So it'll have to be in the afternoon.

Now, tell me your name.

Her: oh I thought I already had, name is ****. and my # is (432)***-****. I work 7-5 mon-fri. but text anytime it doesn't matter at work.

Texting

Oops. I simply for got to post a blog on Monday. Sorry about that. Here it is, better late than never.

Over the last couple of years I've all but eliminated actual phone calls in favor of texting. I find it has many advantages over phone calls. For one, you are more likely to get through. She can check a text almost anywhere and at anytime. It doesn't matter if she's in a loud bar or at work. Whereas, she may never check her voice mail. Another advantage is you have that extra few seconds to think about what to say. No more stuttering into the answering machine. Lastly, she may not answer a number she doesn't know. But, she'll likely read a text message.

But, that doesn't mean you can text her anything. “Yo wha s'up?” ain't gonna make it. You'll have to be more creative than that. Also, avoid text speak unless your message is getting too long. You have 160 spaces you can fill before you need to start texting 2 instead of too.

It's also important to watch your spelling. You're cell phone probably has some kind of predictive text option. Use it! If you still can't figure out a spelling, use a different word. You'll come off better if everything is spelled correctly.

Don't send all those bullshit pics everyone forwards around to each other. Sometimes they're good for a giggle, but it doesn't help you to look creative. Instead, come up with something clever yourself. Something like “Hey, is this the girl that fell in love with me last night?” isn't bad. It's cocky, flirtatious and plants a seed in her mind.

In fact, that is the frame you want to suggest as much as you can. Twist whatever she says into how she is either in love with you or she wants to have sex with you. But, try to avoid getting all gooey about it. If she denies having the hots for you, tell her she's just playing hard to get or that she's doing a pretty good job of hiding it, but you know what's really on her mind.

Rapport

Last week I talked about showing high value and mentioned that her being attracted to you isn't enough. This week I'll go into why that is and what to do about it.

If you've done everything right from last week the girl's should be eating out of your hand. They LOVE you and want to go home with you. But, you still need one more thing before you can close the deal. You have to qualify her. This makes her feel special. If you don't do this she may come home with you, but then not want to have sex because she could be just any girl. She needs to know you want to be with HER and not just any girl. It also allows her to feel like she's doing the right thing by having sex so soon.

Sex is often the only card many women have to play. Many women worry about how soon to have sex. On the one hand she doesn't want to appear too easy. But, on the other, she knows a high value man like yourself won't wait forever. She knows there are plenty of women willing to have sex with you. So, she has to walk a thin line between good girl and bad girl. Then pile on top of that her own desires for sex and it's no wonder why women are so unsure about this.

So, you'll have to build rapport with her. You have to find a quiet place where the two of you can talk and get to know each other on a deeper, wider level. You cannot fake this. It has to be real. She wants to feel a connection with you. Trust and a sense of comfort.

The way you know she's ready to build rapport is she'll be asking you questions like “what's your name?” and “what do you do?” When she does this, she's hooked and wants to build rapport with you.

Once you start building rapport you can ask her about her passions, dreams, heroes, hopes, fears and her philosophy of life. Ask her about her carrier and what she finds “most fulfilling” about it. Unless she has a crap job like waitress or cashier at Wal Mart. As your talking you will find something you both have in common.

While in rapport you are helping her to show you her value as a person. The reason she needs this is because she's thinking “Wow! What a cool guy! I'll bet he gets a lot of girls. But, I don't want to be just another notch on his bedpost. I want him to know how special I am.” But, she doesn't know how to show you. You have to help her.

So, ask her questions you know she'll pass. Examples: “Are you adventurous?” “Are you spontaneous?” “You're not one of those party girls that stays out late and does drugs all the time are you?” The key to qualifying her is to tell her what's unique about her and contrast that with all the other girls.

Once you've qualified her you can kiss and make out with her. But, don't let it go too far. You don't want to get into the realm of foreplay. You can caress her arms, back and thighs. You can kiss her deeply, with tongues, bite her neck and ears. You can pull her hair and even fondle her breasts and butt a little. But, that's all. You have to step on the breaks before it goes too far. If you don't, she likely won't return your phone calls.

The reason is, doing what she did in a bar with you made her feel slutty when she got home. She was carried away by her emotions, she'd had too much to drink and she knows the only thing you want from her is more of that. She's thinking “I was drunk, it didn't count.” So, stop it before it goes too far.

See if she'll change venues with you. Invite her to get something to eat or to another nightclub. Think of a reason she should come back to your place. If you're a pot smoker, this is often a very good reason to come back to your place. Tell her you and your friends are going to keep the party going. Or you have a cool thing back at your place she's just got to see. The point is she needs a reason to go home with you other than sex.

This isn't a trick. She's not stupid. She knows if she goes back to your place sex is likely to happen. Moreover, if she's willing to go to your place, she probably wants it happen too. But, many women need an excuse. This is why so many women never carry condoms. To carry a condom means you're planning to have sex. Only sluts do that. But, if sex “just happens,” it's okay.

Just remember, she still has the right to say no. If you try to force it you could end up having to register every time you change your address and that is not a display of higher value. So, be persistent, but don't push. I've explained how to get through her resistance in an earlier blog. So, if you have any questions about that, look through my older posts.

Value

If there is one idea men don't understand about women I think it must be that women want sex as much as we do. As men we're raised to believe women are soft, delicate creatures. We're raised to think women not only don't actively seek out sex, but don't even want it! Nothing could be further from the truth. If women really didn't enjoy and want sex our mating dance would be very different indeed. Women do want and enjoy sex. Women are just a little more choosy about their partners than men are.

I think the easiest way to understand a woman's sexual identity is to view her has having two sides. The first side needs to be cherished, loved an cared for. The other side needs to be grabbed by the hair, drug back to your cave and fucked like a dirty little slut. This is why women often go with a “jerk” that may be bad for them instead of a man that “treats her with respect.” The “jerk,” of course, isn't a jerk from her perspective. He's a man that addresses her sexual desires. While the “nice guy” tries to get into her pants by becoming her friend first. The nice guy is being dishonest. He wants sex and she knows it, but he's trying to hide it from her thinking she doesn't really want it as much as he does and he'll have to give her something to get it from her. He assumes she's a prostitute and that's not respectful. It's our role, as men, to ride the line between cherishing her and fucking her.

I mentioned last week about crossing her lines and making mistakes. This week I'll go into how you can know when you've crossed the line. Maybe before it's too late. This is called calibration and it takes time to get good at it. But, understanding the clues and reading her body language will become second nature soon enough.

Say I walked into a room and started talking to you. You don't know me and therefore you'll only give me a few seconds to see if I'm going to improve your life or have you looking for a way to get rid of me. It depends on what and how I say something as to whether or not you become interested.

So, I walk in and tell a joke. By doing this I'm attempting to show you I have high value. If you like the joke you may respond with interest. I have shown I have a high enough value to gain your attention at least for a few minutes. I show high value, you show interest.

But, suppose the joke wasn't funny. In that case I've wasted your time and you will respond with disinterest. I have shown myself to have a low value to you. This showing of value and interest underlies all human communications. In fact it's all we ever communicate to one another with only one exception.

The exception is to test for compliance. Are others going along for the ride? If so you have some compliance. If not you haven't shown enough value. This is one of the lines I was talking about that needs to be crossed many times. In the beginning you'll have to push every interaction as far as you can. You have to learn the subtle cues people show as they lose or gain interest.

Basically, you can tell a lot by their body language. Think of an arrow pointing out of their chests. Is it pointing generally to you or away from you? If it's pointing away you may be better off ending the interaction, cutting your losses and finding another girl to talk to.

When you first approach a woman or group of people you'll have a few seconds to show value. If you can show value, you'll be given another minute or so to show more value. So, how do you show value?

Value is shown in not only by what you say, but how you say it as well. It doesn't matter how good my story is if I don't tell it well.

The first step is to lose your agenda. You aren't trying to get her phone number. You're not trying to get a date. You aren't trying to have sex with her. Yet. That part comes later.

For now all you're doing is talking to her. You're just checking to see if she has any interest in you. If she does, she'll respond with positive body language and you can go from there.

Your goal is for everything you do to show value. When you learn to do that the world will open up for you in ways you never imagined.

Here's a list of things that show low value and should therefore be avoided:

Being Tense, fidgety movements, tight shoulders, taking yourself too seriously, being too business like.

Talking too fast.

Laughing when it's inappropriate, laughing at your own jokes.

Mumbling or speaking too quietly.

Big arm movements.

Standing with your feet too close together.

Leaning in also called “pecking.”

Turning to face her before she turns to face you.

Chasing her, working for her approval.

Not having standards.

Not being more into your wing man than the women.

Replying with overly thought out answers.

Using too many words to make your point.

Over compensating for insecurities, failures or short comings.

Being bold instead of confident.

Teasing her when you should be in rapport and vining with her.

Revealing too much too soon.

Now, let's cover a few ways to display high value. The most important thing is to BE YOURSELF. Be congruent with who you really are. Do not try to be some cool, player guy. It'll only come off as phony. You can get away with ANYTHING as long as it's coming from a place of congruance.

Be Confident. If you know you are going to show them a fun time it'll come through in subtle ways. You are giving value rather than taking it. You have cool things about yourself to offer that no one else has. Know what your strengths are, work with them and don't worry about where you may be weak.

Humor. Be playful, cocky and flirtatious.

Teach Her Something New. If you can show her something about herself or the world we live in she will see you have value to her and become interested in knowing more.

Lead the Interaction. If what you have to offer is more fun than what she was doing, she will want more.

Role Play. Come up with three or four games where you are both pretending to be other people. Just make sure you're the one in charge. Examples: Make her your tour guide, make her your body guard, start a business where you're her boss. Then playfully fire her or give her a raise.

Future Adventure Projection. Come up with an exciting vacation in a far away place or an adventure like skydiving, kayaking or mountain climbing.

Give Her a Playful Nickname.

Tease Her in Fun, Playful Ways.

Push-Pull. Tell her you like her then follow it with why that's a bad thing. Or the other way around. Examples: “I'm starting to like you. Maybe you should leave.” “You guys are too cool. Sort of.” “The way you dance is really turning me on. STOP IT!”

Telling Stories. Funny and/or interesting. These should be real from your own life.

Misinterpretation. Anything she says or does that could be confused with flirting with you.

Cold Reads. Tell her something about her self then contrast it by saying she's sometimes just the opposite. Example: “You give off a good girl vibe. But, something tells me there's a wild woman hidden inside there.”

More Cold Reads. Tell her she is so (whatever) She's just like (exaggeration) Example: “You guys are feisty. You're just like the power puff girls.”

Impressions and Accents. Use lines from funny movies. Pretend to be a cartoon character. Use an unattractive accent and spit out bad pick up lines.

Games and Magic Tricks. Use sparingly.

Physical Touch. Start light and work your way up. If she seems uncomfortable...

Takeaways. Back off and allow her to miss whatever you were doing.

Attraction happens so fast. It's in the wink of an eye. Later when you quiz her about what it was that did it for her she'll likely know exactly when it hit her. Exactly when and what made her think “oh yeah, I'm sleeping with this man.”

But, her feeling attracted to you isn't enough. I'll get into that next week.