If there is one idea men don't understand about women I think it must be that women want sex as much as we do. As men we're raised to believe women are soft, delicate creatures. We're raised to think women not only don't actively seek out sex, but don't even want it! Nothing could be further from the truth. If women really didn't enjoy and want sex our mating dance would be very different indeed. Women do want and enjoy sex. Women are just a little more choosy about their partners than men are.
I think the easiest way to understand a woman's sexual identity is to view her has having two sides. The first side needs to be cherished, loved an cared for. The other side needs to be grabbed by the hair, drug back to your cave and fucked like a dirty little slut. This is why women often go with a “jerk” that may be bad for them instead of a man that “treats her with respect.” The “jerk,” of course, isn't a jerk from her perspective. He's a man that addresses her sexual desires. While the “nice guy” tries to get into her pants by becoming her friend first. The nice guy is being dishonest. He wants sex and she knows it, but he's trying to hide it from her thinking she doesn't really want it as much as he does and he'll have to give her something to get it from her. He assumes she's a prostitute and that's not respectful. It's our role, as men, to ride the line between cherishing her and fucking her.
I mentioned last week about crossing her lines and making mistakes. This week I'll go into how you can know when you've crossed the line. Maybe before it's too late. This is called calibration and it takes time to get good at it. But, understanding the clues and reading her body language will become second nature soon enough.
Say I walked into a room and started talking to you. You don't know me and therefore you'll only give me a few seconds to see if I'm going to improve your life or have you looking for a way to get rid of me. It depends on what and how I say something as to whether or not you become interested.
So, I walk in and tell a joke. By doing this I'm attempting to show you I have high value. If you like the joke you may respond with interest. I have shown I have a high enough value to gain your attention at least for a few minutes. I show high value, you show interest.
But, suppose the joke wasn't funny. In that case I've wasted your time and you will respond with disinterest. I have shown myself to have a low value to you. This showing of value and interest underlies all human communications. In fact it's all we ever communicate to one another with only one exception.
The exception is to test for compliance. Are others going along for the ride? If so you have some compliance. If not you haven't shown enough value. This is one of the lines I was talking about that needs to be crossed many times. In the beginning you'll have to push every interaction as far as you can. You have to learn the subtle cues people show as they lose or gain interest.
Basically, you can tell a lot by their body language. Think of an arrow pointing out of their chests. Is it pointing generally to you or away from you? If it's pointing away you may be better off ending the interaction, cutting your losses and finding another girl to talk to.
When you first approach a woman or group of people you'll have a few seconds to show value. If you can show value, you'll be given another minute or so to show more value. So, how do you show value?
Value is shown in not only by what you say, but how you say it as well. It doesn't matter how good my story is if I don't tell it well.
The first step is to lose your agenda. You aren't trying to get her phone number. You're not trying to get a date. You aren't trying to have sex with her. Yet. That part comes later.
For now all you're doing is talking to her. You're just checking to see if she has any interest in you. If she does, she'll respond with positive body language and you can go from there.
Your goal is for everything you do to show value. When you learn to do that the world will open up for you in ways you never imagined.
Here's a list of things that show low value and should therefore be avoided:
Being Tense, fidgety movements, tight shoulders, taking yourself too seriously, being too business like.
Talking too fast.
Laughing when it's inappropriate, laughing at your own jokes.
Mumbling or speaking too quietly.
Big arm movements.
Standing with your feet too close together.
Leaning in also called “pecking.”
Turning to face her before she turns to face you.
Chasing her, working for her approval.
Not having standards.
Not being more into your wing man than the women.
Replying with overly thought out answers.
Using too many words to make your point.
Over compensating for insecurities, failures or short comings.
Being bold instead of confident.
Teasing her when you should be in rapport and vining with her.
Revealing too much too soon.
Now, let's cover a few ways to display high value. The most important thing is to BE YOURSELF. Be congruent with who you really are. Do not try to be some cool, player guy. It'll only come off as phony. You can get away with ANYTHING as long as it's coming from a place of congruance.
Be Confident. If you know you are going to show them a fun time it'll come through in subtle ways. You are giving value rather than taking it. You have cool things about yourself to offer that no one else has. Know what your strengths are, work with them and don't worry about where you may be weak.
Humor. Be playful, cocky and flirtatious.
Teach Her Something New. If you can show her something about herself or the world we live in she will see you have value to her and become interested in knowing more.
Lead the Interaction. If what you have to offer is more fun than what she was doing, she will want more.
Role Play. Come up with three or four games where you are both pretending to be other people. Just make sure you're the one in charge. Examples: Make her your tour guide, make her your body guard, start a business where you're her boss. Then playfully fire her or give her a raise.
Future Adventure Projection. Come up with an exciting vacation in a far away place or an adventure like skydiving, kayaking or mountain climbing.
Give Her a Playful Nickname.
Tease Her in Fun, Playful Ways.
Push-Pull. Tell her you like her then follow it with why that's a bad thing. Or the other way around. Examples: “I'm starting to like you. Maybe you should leave.” “You guys are too cool. Sort of.” “The way you dance is really turning me on. STOP IT!”
Telling Stories. Funny and/or interesting. These should be real from your own life.
Misinterpretation. Anything she says or does that could be confused with flirting with you.
Cold Reads. Tell her something about her self then contrast it by saying she's sometimes just the opposite. Example: “You give off a good girl vibe. But, something tells me there's a wild woman hidden inside there.”
More Cold Reads. Tell her she is so (whatever) She's just like (exaggeration) Example: “You guys are feisty. You're just like the power puff girls.”
Impressions and Accents. Use lines from funny movies. Pretend to be a cartoon character. Use an unattractive accent and spit out bad pick up lines.
Games and Magic Tricks. Use sparingly.
Physical Touch. Start light and work your way up. If she seems uncomfortable...
Takeaways. Back off and allow her to miss whatever you were doing.
Attraction happens so fast. It's in the wink of an eye. Later when you quiz her about what it was that did it for her she'll likely know exactly when it hit her. Exactly when and what made her think “oh yeah, I'm sleeping with this man.”
But, her feeling attracted to you isn't enough. I'll get into that next week.
