The Guide.

Here is my guide for men on approaching, flirting with and attracting women in the real world. I have no doubt many will say this is completely wrong. However, I have used these techniques most of my life with a good deal of success.

I can see no reason why women couldn't use many of these same ideas to attract and interact with men. In fact, I learned most of this from interacting with women. They would have to make a few subtle changes I'm sure. But, it can work equally well for women.

I am not trying to suggest that all women are the same. On the contrary, each woman is unique. None of this will change her mind if she doesn't like you. This is simply a way to avoid many of the pitfalls and keep things moving forward toward beginning a sexual relationship. I have found as I'm sure many men have, that becoming friends with a woman first just doesn't work. If a man hasn't made his move within about 20 hours (three dates) she assumes he isn't interested or is too much of a sissy to go after what they both really want.

Many of the things I'm going to say may seem counter intuitive. They may not make sense to you. It may even seem that I am saying exactly the opposite of what you think makes logical sense. But, we aren't talking about logic in the usual sense. If you dig deeply enough into this it does make perfect sense on an evolutionary level. Every emotion we have is there to either keep us alive or to help us find a suitable mate. You may not understand why this would make you more interesting to women. If you have questions I'll try to answer them, but rest assured this can produce results.

What follows is how to make a good first impression on a woman you are interested in and nothing more. I'm not trying to change who you are. You absolutely must be yourself. But, you have to be your best, true self. You have to get out of your own way and stop acting like the guy you think she wants. You have to stop buying her gifts before you know who she really is. When you do that it comes across to women as if you are trying to buy them and they do not enjoy being treated like hookers. The truth is some women will like you and some won't. You cannot expect to get along with everyone. So, if she doesn't like you don't let it get to you. Be willing to walk away if things aren't clicking. Do not try to change her mind if she isn't into you. There is nothing you can say or do to make a woman like you. All you can do is make her dislike you. If you keep after her when she's indicated she isn't interested you'll only become that creepy stalker guy or that guy she calls when her new boyfriend needs help moving his furniture into her place.

Lastly, before I begin, I'd like to say that when you ask a woman for advice on this subject she answers by telling you what she wants in a relationship, not what attracts her in the first place. She really does want a man that will love and cherish her and give her flowers on her birthday. But, she wants to be loved for who she is, not for how she looks. Before you can love and cherish her you have to get to know her. Don't fawn all over her and follow her around like a puppy, picking up anything she drops! She isn't looking for a slave. She is looking for a man.

If you feel that learning this can help you lead a happier, more fulfilling life then give it a try. If not disregard it. You have nothing to lose.

Psychologists tell us 70% of what we communicate is visual. Appearance, posture and body language etc. 20% is tone or how you say something and only 10% are the words we actually say. That means 90% of what you communicate ain't coming out of your mouth. Attitude is very important. It's 90% of the of the game. With the proper attitude you can say anything and it will do the job because women are not attracted to what you say. They are attracted to who you are and that's what we are trying to present to her.

Women are attracted to high status men. That doesn't mean you have to be rich or famous. It simply means that you should to be comfortable within your environment. This is confidence. You feel safe and secure. You know you can handle whatever life throws at you whether it's because you have enough money to buy your way out, can fight your way out or can talk your way out or trouble. That's all confidence really is.

Women are also attracted to men that like themselves. This is self esteem. You take good care of yourself because you feel you are worth the effort. Men with high self esteem make sure they have on clean, well fitting clothes and keep themselves well groomed. I don't care how short or heavy you are, you will look better with a good haircut and clean, trimmed fingernails.

Stop worrying about the things you cannot change. They are more important to you than to other people. Your nose isn't too big. Your not too short. Instead work on the things you can do something about and forget the rest. If a woman doesn't like you because you are too whatever it has nothing to do with you. It's her problem to deal with. Find a woman that isn't so hung up on petty BS.

Learn about personal style and find out what works for your body type. Just because something works and looks good on one man doesn't mean it's going to work for every man. It's easier than you may think. And once you learn what you need to look good shopping becomes easier.

Okay, now let's get into the real stuff. Before you say hello to a woman you must eliminate any desire you may have for an outcome. You are not trying to get her phone number. You are not trying to get her to come home with you. You are simply saying hello and starting a conversation. Nothing more. Women can smell an agenda like shit on a shoe. You want her to get the feeling that you may leave at any second. This way she won't feel pressured or uncomfortable talking to you.

Do not ask if you can speak to her. Simply start taking to her and any friends she may be with. Also do not wait to approach. The longer you wait the more nervous you'll become. When you see her, approach her and start talking immediately.

A good pick up is designed to negotiate around any road blocks before they come up. For example, when you first approach her she'll likely be thinking, “How long am I going to have to put up with this guy?” So, you tell her you can only stay for a few seconds because you have to meet a friend.

A good way to start a conversation is to say something like, “Hey, you guys look pretty bright. I need a female opinion on something...” If you ask her if you can ask a question she may say no. Of course she could still say no, but she is less likely to if you just don't ask. Asking shows weakness. So, just go in and ask her.

Sometimes she'll test you right off the bat. Many of these tests are not done on a conscious level. She doesn't think “I'm going to test him.” But, she wants to find out who you are. She can't ask because you could lie. So, she must test you.

An example of a test might be something like: “I'll answer your question if you'll...” She wants to know if she can push you around. Will you stumble all over yourself to please her like so many other men have? She's been approached so often she's turned it into a game. The good news is if she's testing you, she's interested.

The way to pass her test is to tell her you'll do as she asks, but only if she'll do something for you first. This is assuming she's not asking you to spend money on her. If she wants you to buy her a drink tell her that you don't buy drinks for strangers. Only for your good friends. There is no reason for you to have to pay to speak with her. There are plenty of other women to talk to if she doesn't want to talk to you. Just walk away and talk to someone else.

The question you ask can be just about anything so long as it doesn't telegraph interest. But, if you can think of a two part question it's better. You can ask the first part and once they've answered it you can pull up a chair and ask the second part. Again mentioning you don't want to be late to meet your friend. Tell them the two of you are going to some special event, but don't invite them to join you. Yet.

After they've answered the second part you can ask for their names. It's important that you remember them. I have found it helpful to come up with a silly rhyme. Another great thing is to get into some kind of roll playing. Women love this. Tell them something like; “You guys are pretty cool. We should all quit our jobs and start a company so we can hang out together all the time. I'll be the CEO. What can you do?” Notice that this puts you in charge. This is important because you want them to think of you as a leader. Keep it playful and have fun. Later you can playfully fire them or give them a raise.

If you've done everything right so far they will start asking you questions about what you do or if you come here often. If they do, they are interested in you. You can relax, lean back and just vibe with them.

It's very important to keep everyone in the conversation. If you pay attention you can see women will look at one another often to see if they are both feeling the vibe. It's a sort of eye code saying “I like this guy. What do you think?” If one isn't feeling it she'll drag the others away. So, keep everyone happy and having fun.

This is a good time to talk a little about signals. The ones you are sending as well as the ones she is sending. This easiest way to think of this is to imagine two people sitting at a bar on stools. Both are facing the back of the bar. This is neutral rapport. If one turns to face the other he is seeking rapport. If she turns away from him she is breaking rapport. You want to mirror the singles she is sending you in a general way. As she becomes interested she will slowly turn to face you. You should turn in the same amount as her, but no more.

During the interaction you want to be playing little push & pull games with her. Say things like “Wow, you are too cool. I'd better get out of here before you get me in trouble” then turn your body slightly away from her. Or if the two of you are standing take a half step away. See if she turns towards you or follows you. Anything you can do to misinterpret something she does or says as flirting with you or trying to get into your paints in a fun playful way is great!

When you feel you have them hooked look at the time and tell them you have to leave. Tell them it's been a pleasure and you've enjoyed the conversation. Get up and walk a few steps away. You are breaking rapport by doing this and if they were enjoying your company they will feel a loss. Then stop, come back and say “Hey, you guys are pretty cool. Give me your phone number and I'll call you later. Maybe we can meet up and have a drink or something.” Again, don't ask for the number. Instruct her to give it to you. She can still say no.

All this will give the impression that you are a happy, friendly, social guy. Nothing more. There are no real lies in this. It's not manipulative or unethical. You are not trying to make her like you. You are simply being who you are and putting our best foot forward.

Lastly I want to say a few words about getting into the right mindset. It takes time. The first two or three groups on women you approach on any given night will likely blow you off. Don't sweat it. You have to get warmed up. Once you are warmed up you can get away with things that will blow your mind. I have walked up to a strange woman, sat down next to her and without a word began sucking on her ear. “What re you doing?” she asked.

“Shhhhh,” I said, “you're distracting me” and continued. You could never get away with that without the right frame of mind. She'd call a cop or slap your face. But, once you are in that state you can do no wrong. You can just grab women off the dance floor and they will fall into your arms. It works because of the force of your will. It may even appear to people that you have some kind of power over women. They may become envious and this can be a real problem.

Some men (and some women) may see you as a threat. They may challenge you. But. Don't sweat it. Guys are just like ugly chicks. Be friendly, shake their hands etc. if they really won't settle down find a bouncer and tell him that the guy has been over served. He'll take care of it.

If you met her in the afternoon you could call her that evening and invite her out. If you met her at night it's better to wait a day or two. Most of the numbers you get will likely flake. It's for this reason that you need to get a lot of phone numbers.

I have come to prefer texting to calling. The reason is most women keep their cell phone in a purse so when it rings they have to dig for it and they seem to seldom check their voice mail. In fact, I have had women tell me they never check their voice mail. If you send a text you know she will at least look at it.

Conversation Starters

The following “openers” are mine. I came up with them and have used them all in the field to successfully open groups of women. I have shared them with only a few friends, so women will not have heard any if them before. Try them out and see how they work for you. Remember to keep it light and fun.

I also want to say that I am not a big fan of routines. Although there are advantages to them I feel they slow down your progress in becoming more social and limit what you can talk about. However, I do think it's a good idea to have a few things tucked away to bring out if the conversation starts to lag. If the women get bored, they will think it's your fault. so keep things lively.

Before we get into the openers I want to point out a couple of things that you should do in every set. One, you should use a false time constraint. When you first open a group of strangers the first thought in their minds will be “how long are we going to have to put up with they weirdo?” By saying “I can't stay long because I need to get back to my friend” or “I only have a second. I'm meeting some at X.” You let them know right away that you won't be taking up too much of their time. They will relax and be more willing to chat with you a little.

The Brad & Angie Opener

You: Hey you guys, I was reading something on the web the other day and I want to hear what you guys think. Some science guys did a survey of collage aged women asking them if, given the chance, you would cheat on your boyfriend with Brad Pitt?

Girls: Yes, No, Maybe, I don't think he's that hot, etc.

At this point you should be able to join their group by taking a chair or pulling one over from another table. Use a false time constraint.

You: Well, about 40% said they would cheat with Brad. But, that's not all. They also asked if you'd cheat on your boyfriend with Angelina Jolie? And something like 70% said they would. So that means at least one of you would too! so, which one is it? You? no. You? maybe. You? Oh, you for sure.

Now, transition by asking “so, how do you guys know each other?” This is an important question and you will learn a lot of information by asking it. Are they room mates? Is one girl the sister of your target's boyfriend? Etc. Much can be learned with this simple question.

The Hairy Armpits Opener

This next opener is for groups of men and women that are seated together. Start off by addressing the men.

You: Hey guys I need some help here. My friend and I are having a disagreement and maybe you guys can help us settle it. Would any of you guys date a woman that didn't shave under her arms?

Allow the men to answer. Usually the women will chime in as well. Pull up a chair, join the group adding a false time constraint.

You: the reason I'm asking is because the other night we were out and I was talking to this girl and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then she took off her jacket and I saw she has hair under her arms. Now I'm not talking about just a little stubble here. I'm talking fur! My friend thinks I'm nuts because she was really attractive looking. But, I just couldn't roll with it. I mean it sort of grossed me out. So, what if the girl was like smoking hot would you still fell the same way?

Again let them answer.

You: Hey guys, thanks a lot guys it's been real helpful. So, how do all of you know each other?

If you do a google search I'm sure you can find thousands of openers and conversation starters. But, it's really best to ask about things you're truly curious about. Women like talking about animals, relationships and celebrity gossip. So, keep your ears open for good questions to start conversations with.